This is so not related to anything about this book but like I just wanted to rant and I feel like this is a safe space to do it.
This year's breakdown is literally so fucking stupid. It's something not even a problem anymore but I'm still upset over it.
So I haven't mentioned this before but doing photography is my dream job, like I love everything about it. I have been asking my dad for the last couple years to help me find colleges and stuff so that way I can be good at it and learn as much as possible ya know. But he asked me to do some research about it, like find salarys and all the stuff. I did and he told me I shouldn't do photography because I couldn't make a living out of it.
And like it's dumb I know to be upset because maybe he is right. Then I'll suffer the consequences of it and that's fine but I still wanna try. And like it's makes me so upset because he like dissed it so fucking quickly. Yet he supports my sister through everything no issue, and if he does ask a question even if she answers with and I don't know he just says ok let me know. Yet he sees one thing and immediately tells me that I can't do it.
I have the support of my mom, step dad, other family, and my friends. Which I appreciate so fucking much. But it's so hurtful knowing that I have tried so fucking hard to have good grades and have something I wanna work for. Just for the one person I need to support me tell me I can't. Like I genuinely don't think my dad has ever told me he I'd proud of me for anything. Literally him telling me I shouldn't do photography makes me feel like I shouldn't and I haven't been taking pictures or showing as much excitement about it either.
And I feel terrible because so many people are proud of me yet I'm so focused on someone who doesn't care. And now I'm just having a breakdown about it because fuck it hurts that's it my dad. If it wasn't one of my parents I would have said screw you I'm gonna make it big out of spite.
Anyways that's my messed up rant of life being sucky.
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My sexual assault story
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