My sexual assault story

I don't know what to name this

    I don't know what i am gonna talk about i kinda just wanna talk i guess.
  So recently i have been thinking alot. Well i guess its not what i normally think about. Anyway i just keep thinking about what would happen and what i would say if i ever went off on my mom. About how i can't just get over what happened to me. It's not like taking a bandaid off. Or some cold that will go away after some time. It's probably never gonna go away. It effects me. Every thing about me. What i think. Say. Feel. Do.
   How badly i wanna tell my mom that i am not ok. That because of being sexually assaulted for 4 years by my cousin who i trusted very much. That was part of my life. I grew up dealing with that. I couldn't do much to stop it from happening. I couldn't tell anyone. Because i had no one. In that point in my life so much was happening. I was getting bullied. I had no real friends. I couldn't even talk to my sister. I couldn't go to any family because they are either to young or i wouldn't be believed.
   I feel like sometimes people don't understand. That just because you think it's over doesn't mean the person who suffered dose. For you it's never gonna happen again. But the person who suffered is still dealing with it. It never ends to that person. It messes with them. With everything in there life. It scary to think to know that one person can do that to someone. It could even be multiple people.
  I guess that's it for my rant for this part or whatever. I am gonna do another one so Double in one day. Or night cause its almost 1 am for me.