Come Back To Me My Love

1

Another cold winter season has kept everyone inside for the rest of the day today. Employees left work early due to the storm that is nearby. No one wants to stay at work overnight due to several inches of snow. It's a pain digging the snow off the car and around it. Not to mention how to get out without the tires sliding and getting stuck in the middle of the road.

I walk by several people who begin to leave early to be with their families and friends for the rest of the day. It must be nice to go home to someone who loves you and accepts you for who you are. I wish I still had that.

Now I'm someone who has a part time job with a small house and with someone who loves me for who I am. Someone who is very special to me. I thought I would feel alone but with some help from an old friend, I managed to raise my 5 year old daughter with care.
And I know this is not what parents like to say about their children... but I wish her eyes didn't remind me of her father.

My daughter's name is Amia, 4 years old. She will be 5 in 1 month. Her birthday is on January 30th. That date was the most exciting yet stressful day of my life. I knew I would have someone with me but I was worried how I would take care of her. She doesn't have a father to look up to. Why?

Well... it's a long story that I don't want to talk about.

"Hey pumpkin. How was school?" I ask Amia after waiting a few minutes outside of her school.

"Okay." She waddles over to me with her oversized jacket, backpack, small beanie, and small mittens and grabs hold of my hand to start walking.

"Did you learn anything new?"

"I learn to draw dog." She says, trying to avoid all the snow bumps in her way.

"Well would you like to show me how to draw a dog when we get home?"

"Yes. Big one!" She let go of my hand to extend her arms as wide as she can.

"Okay. We will draw a big dog." I smile at her excitement and continue our way to our small house that I can barely afford. I can barely keep up with rent. Three months ago, I had to feed Amia boxed mac and cheese for 2 weeks just to save money on rent.

And I will never forget my own daughter's words when she saw that I didn't eat any because we ran out that time.
"It's okay mommy. We share. I eat more tomorrow."

That night I cried myself to sleep because my daughter knows how limited we are. A 4 year old should not have to worry about anything. But now that Amia knows, I feel like I have failed her as a mom. I have already made my daughter aware of our limited supplies. And it got worse when it was her 4th birthday.

"You okay mommy?" Amia asks. I get back in reality when we finally made it to our house. An old house with a creaky front door and leaking roof. Everytime I look at our house, it makes me feel horrible that I have to raise a child in this dump.

"I'm okay sweetheart. Let's get inside. It's getting colder."

"Okay." Amia takes the first step towards the house but stops when she sees a ball in our small front lawn.
"Red ball." She points to the ball and smiles. Someone must have thrown it on our lawn by accident and never picked it up.

"Go on. Grab it." I gently push her towards the snow covered grass so she can get the ball.
"Looks like you got a new toy. Do you like it?" I ask.

"Yes." She smiles and waddles back to me.

"Okay. Now let's get inside." I lead her back inside the house where it's a little warm but not enough to take off our sweaters that are underneath our jackets.
"Okay. What do you want to do? Draw a dog or play ball?"