Come Back To Me My Love

33

The amount of pain in my soul feels impossible to remove at this very moment after telling him what happened and how it happened. But what's going to hurt the most is having to tell him why I ran away. The real reason I ran away. It's going to be hard for both of us.

But right now, it's harder to even be in the bedroom where the air became thicker. It also became quiet for a moment after Severus sat on the edge of the bed just leaning over with his head in his hands.

"Explain how you found me the first time again." Severus says after lifting up his head a little. He doesn't even want to look at me.

I sit next to him with my head low, not wanting to repeat the words or even the memory.
"Sev-"

"Start. Talking." He states in a strict tone. I don't want to say no, or even avoid the conversation because this is what I wanted in the first place. For us to talk. But it's a lot harder than I thought.

"After asking the two men if they've seen you, they told me you went upstairs with a woman. So I went upstairs and I, um..." I force my eyes closed every time the memory pops up in my head.
"I-I heard you and... that woman, inside the room in front of me." I let a tear fall as the sights and the hearing became real for a few seconds. Almost as if it's happening right in front of me again.

Severus takes in a deep breath but his exhale was shaky. It's like he's experiencing this as something new to him, which he kind of is.

"When I opened the door, I saw her on top of you, and you were..." I swallowed the lump in my throat before letting out a quiet whimper.
"I-It looked like if, you were, enjoying it." I wipe the tears away from my cheeks but they don't stop.

Severus refuses to look at me but I can tell he's disappointed, angry, and anything that has a synonym to the word upset.
"(Y/n). I did not-"

"I couldn't stop myself but get angry at both of you. Especially you. I did yank her off of you and pushed her away. She ran off while I was trying to get you out of that, disgusting bed." I cover my eyes with the palm of my hands, just wishing that memory can be burned into ashes.

After a little bit of silence between us, I take in a deep breath to try and calm my breathing down but remembering that day hurts me to the core. It hurts me not because I've seen it with my own eyes, but because he didn't even know what was happening.

"And when I said that I had to convince you to leave the bar, I really meant it." I look up at him with red eyes and a runny nose.
"You didn't want to leave, at all. So I had no other choice but to tell you that you can meet the woman back here." I hug myself from feeling insecure about her beauty being compared to mine.
"And just like that, you got up."

Severus finally looks at me but with so much shame. It hurts to even keep eye contact.

"But I pushed those feelings away and I dragged you back here. You were dizzy, confused, and you couldn't even speak properly. And when I finally put you to bed, you fell asleep for the rest of the night and woke up like if nothing happened. You didn't remember anything at all when I asked you where you went."

Severus stays quiet for what felt like minutes but it was only seconds. I stay quiet as well, just trying to put that memory in the back of my head. I never want to pull it out of my memory again.

"Why did you stay with me?" He suddenly asks.

I clear my throat once more and let the tears dry up on my cheeks before speaking.
"Like I said before, I was waiting for you to remember and apologize. But, a part of me didn't want to leave even if you didn't apologize because I loved you. I still love you and I wouldn't have left you."