REASONS • TAEGYU

29

Soobin's PoV.

Early in the morning, I sat on the usual chair and start spamming Taehyun some messages.

It's been 2 weeks, but I felt like he's no intentions of going back home. However, He still message me on rare occasions, saying that "he's fine" so I could stop spamming his phone.

But that doesn't assured me at all, His bank account still had the same money I putted in. It makes me worried if he's still eating, or if he had a nice place to sleep.

Sometimes, i think he's right. I also put him with too much boundaries, I always demand or force something he didn't want to the point that it suffocates him.

It was also my fault, and this time I won't forgive myself if something happened to him again.

Suddenly, when I was busy rethinking of my decisions and thoughts, a warm pair of arms hug me from my shoulders.

"I'm sorry, hyung" It was Taehyun.

I jumped out of my seat and grab him close into a hug. Tears went down into my cheeks, as he also sobbed on my shoulders.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so stupid, I'm really acting like a child, please forgive me" Taehyun let out his words as he cried like a helpless child in my arms.

"Hyung is also sorry, I wasn't considerate enough, I was going beyond that it makes you felt too much controlled. I'm so sorry Taehyun ah."

I said gently and he just hug me tight. Now all of my worries had finally flew away from my body.  And i just hope that Taehyun felt the same way too.

"Please trust me hyung, that's all i need" Taehyun spoke as his eyes plead for love and freedom. I was about to say No to him cause I love him very much and I was too scared, he's the only family that i got.

But intruding his happiness will not make him any better. So without any hesitation I finally give in, I will never ever intrude his plans on Beomgyu but I'll make sure that IF he's going to be on trouble again, I'll cut their ties myself.

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"I'm still mad of you, not using any amount from your bank account to atleast rest on a nice accomodations or hotel!" I mouthed at him making him gulp the breakfast he was chewing.

"I'm too shy to use the money that i didn't work for, it's yours please also treat yourself better hyung" Taehyun said nicely making me smile at him in return

I don't need to treat myself better, seeing him in a stable and happy state will be the best payment than any amount of money i earn.

"Why don't you take yourself in a vacation hyung? or maybe date someone" Taehyun suggested out of the sudden and i almost threw up my coffee from the last statement.

I had no time to date anyone, and for the vacation, I don't think the company will allow me to take the leave since it fashion events are around the corners.

"No thank you, I'm too busy for that. And besides, who would i choose to date with, I don't even interact with people." I said making Taehyun raise his brow at me.

"I dont know, maybe your boss? the Yeonjun? right? The one who always drive you home.." Taehyun said with a smug look on his face, obviously teasing and making my nerves burnt in frustration.

"I don't think it would work haha, I rejected him months ago, so no." I said nervously, but honestly, Yeonjun is still bugging me even i already reject him twice.

"Aww he's quite attractive tho..." Taehyun said but when i glare at him, he shut his mouth by stuffing an egg with it.

"If he's attractive date him then, i thought you're loyal to beomgyu?"

Taehyun drop his spoon and rolled his sleeves up on his arm. He was like ready to fight a heated conversation just to defend the name of his love.

"Hyung, Yeonjun is really attractive, deny it with your gay ass or not. But Beomgyu is not just attractive, he's a god, beautiful daring and breathlessly gorgeous. He's both good in and out. And don't fight me because I.SAW.IT, KNOW.IT, & MEMORIZED.IT " Taehyun said making me sick from his loving words about Beomgyu

"Okay okay lover boy, no need to explain the 'saw it' part, But honestly did you already visit Beomgyu?" I ask inclined with the recent topic and Taehyun dropped his head on the table.

"I-...I didnt. I don't like to show how hopeless I am so.."

"You didn't even text him!?"

"My phone died days ago....."

He's doomed, Beomgyu might be think he's avoiding him or something happened. Poor child.

"He must be worried, why don't you visit him?" I suggested and Taehyun's eyes lit up in gratefulness.

He quickly finish his meal and went straight up to the bathroom to dress up. He look so happy, and so excited to go out again.

Honestly, As i watch Taehyun get ready I realized something. It's like someone speaks so tiny at the back of head, making all of my senses awaken.

Was that really good to love someone? at all means? at all cost?.

Was that really makes you jumped out of excitement and felt butterflies on your stomach?

The day that Me and Taehyun fought, Taehyun said that 'I don't get it because I don't know what is the feeling of loving someone'

And actually he is right, I didn't even know what 'Love' is in a bigger context, or in an understandable way rather.

I tried to seek for answers yet at the end i was just blinded by the society's definition and standards. I thought, that.., loving Taehyun was enough to consider as my own vision of love. The brotherly love who protects, who cares and gives every little or big things that we had. Unconditional.

And that was good, yet wrong at the same time. Wrong to extent that I forgot about myself. To put myself first, to love myself first enable to love others.

Some people love and wanted to be loved without understanding what 'love' they truly need, what type of love they want to give in. Like me.

I don't know if the love I give to taehyun was pure, because if you come to think of it, I was just selfish. Yes, I give up everything to him, I provide his necessities, but my protectiveness wraps in the process. I wasn't thinking. I love him but I also slowly destroying his freedom.

Maybe that is why I don't get to understand Taehyun's love for Beomgyu. And why those words were spoken at one of the highest point of my life. Simply Now i understand the why's I had in my head. Thanks to Taehyun words, a bit painful but he's the reason enable for me to absorb and realize things in a wide manner.