Hearts Between Colors (Isla Contejo #3)

Epilogue

We live in a world where acceptance of the things we find difficult to acknowledge ever since seems too impossible. Once we conditioned ourselves that we cannot face this or that, we are only depriving ourselves some peace within. Accepting of the things that once hurt us will never be easy, but as a quote from a famous J.K. Rowling, "understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery."

Let's heal ourselves first, understand, and when we're finally ready . . . we will eventually find our way to acceptance. We can only accept if our hearts are already telling it. No pressure, my dear. You have your own time. Your progress doesn't have to be the same with anyone around. No matter how slow, you'll get there. And if ever you cannot find it in your heart no matter how hard you try, don't push yourself anymore. You aren't required to do so. Your feelings are valid and it's only you who can understand that.

We've finally reached the end, dear readers. May we love and respect one another despite of the different lifestyles, race, and gender identities. No matter who we are, no matter what we are . . . love and respect shouldn't be shown and given only to what and who we choose to accept in the society.

---------------

Not being sure about my gender identity was a torture.

I've lost counts of the times I cried myself to sleep because I couldn't really figure out what I was. I was so frustrated at myself. I was so lost. Nagkakagusto ako sa mga babae, pero nagkakagusto rin ako sa mga lalaki. Bakit ganoon? Ano ba talaga? Sino bang mas gusto ko?

At ang pinakaimportante . . . ano ba talaga ako?

"Look at their faces. Tss. Kilig na kilig. Akala mo naman sweet tayong tingnan," naiiritang saad ni Fourt habang mabagal kaming nagsasayaw sa gitna ng malaking banquet hall.

Maikli akong natawa at nilibot ng tingin ang mga bisita niya. Nakita ko sina Mommy't Daddy na masayang kakuwentuhan ang lolo ni Fourtney habang pasulyap-sulyap sa amin. Si Kuya sa tabi nila ay nakangisi kaming pinanonood na para bang inaasar pa ako. Tinaliman ko siya ng tingin. Palibhasa kasi, wala pang nahahanap sina Mommy na babaeng ipakakasal sa kaniya kaya tuwang-tuwang siya riyan habang ako, heto, nagtitiis at napipilitan.

"They're happy that we're having an interaction," sagot ko na lamang.

Tamad siyang bumuntonghininga at nagpatuloy sa pakikipagsayaw sa akin kahit labag din sa loob niya. It was her debut and I was her 18th roses -- due to her grandfather's decision. Aniya'y iyong crush niya sa school ang gusto niyang maging 18th roses kaso ay ang lolo na naman niya ang nasunod.

My parents and his grandfather who was currently a mayor in another city were arranging us to marriage. They wanted us to get along as early as now, but in all our dates and encounters, I never felt something special towards her. Yes, she's very pretty, but I didn't catch any feelings for her.

Ganoon din naman siya sa akin. Talagang hindi namin nagugustuhan ang isa't isa kahit pa sinubukan naman namin.

Nang matapos ang unang parte ng program ng debut ay nagtungo ako sa isang balkonahe ng hall kung saan tanaw ko ang hardin. Hindi rin gaanong pansin ng mga tao ang balkonahe dahil nasa malayong sulok ito at natatabunan pa ng mahabang kurtina. Mamaya na ako babalik sa loob tutal ay kasalukuyan pa namang kumakain ang lahat.

"Ay, may tao pala."

Napalingon ako sa biglang nagsalita sa may pinto ng balkonahe. Kita ko ang biglaang pagkahiya sa mukha niya nang makita ako roon. Umawang naman ang bibig ko sa bahagyang pagkagulat. Para akong biglang na-starstruck, putsa. Kasi naman, kahit hindi ko siya kilala nang personal ay kilala ko kung sino siya.