Swans Don't Quit

Fear

My emotions were tumbling around in my head so fast that I could barely comprehend what I was feeling. Today had been haunting all of us in the back of our minds since Isabella's graduation. Today the newborns would attack and every one I care for would be at risk. The woman I love would be on that field and like everyone else has a chance of not coming home if something goes or with one wrong move. I don't know what I would do if Leah was taken from me. I know that I would never love another woman like I love Leah.

"Eli. Calm down. Your heart's going to beat out of your chest if you don't calm yourself." Leah said as she hugged me from behind. I sighed and turned, wrapping my arms around her and setting my head on top of her's.

"I can't help it. The knowledge of what is happening has me on edge. I hate the thought of you being in danger." I said and Leah tightened her hug around me before taking a step back and looking up at me.

"Nothing's going to happen, Eli." Leah said and cupped my cheek in her hand.

"We're built for this. Once the fight starts we'll all be back within twenty minutes. You'll be Emily, Kim, Claire and Alex. Brady and Collin will be on patrol around the rez. Everything will be fine. Just take a breath and relax." She said before kissing me on the lips and moving to pick up Alex from his crib. The five of us would be at Sam and Emily's during the fight because it was the farthest from the battle and Forks. The three of us packed into the truck and I drove us toward Sam's. I wished there was something that I could do besides standing back and waiting, but I wasn't dumb enough to get in the way. Leah kissed me good-bye and took off into the trees to phase. Sam came out of the house as I got Alex out of the truck.

"This feels wrong, Sam. I hate that I can't do anything, but I'll have to settle for this." I said and Sam looked at me curious.

"Make sure she's safe. I don't care if this is what you guys were born to do or if you magically figured out how to shoot fire from your eyes. Keep an eye on her." I said and Sam nodded. He had a look of understanding in his eyes as he turned and ran off into the trees like the others. Yet another thing to hate about this situation. I am trusting the man that had broken her heart and a pack of teenage boys to look out for the love of my life. I sighed and walked inside. Emily was busy baking up a storm, Claire was playing in the living room with her dolls while the TV played cartoons in the background, and Kim sat on the couch working hard on what looked to be homework.

I found it hard to distract myself from the cold hard fact of what was going on somewhere in the forest outside of Forks. I couldn't pretend it wasn't happening or keep myself so busy that I couldn't focus on anything but what I was doing. Emily had given me a list of things that I could do to keep me busy, but I'm only good my hands and that leaves the mind open for horrible thoughts. I had fixed the back door hinge, changed the faucet in the bathroom, replaced the ripped screen in the living room window, and got Emily's 4th of July decoration out of the attic.

It had only been an hour since the pack had left and I was slowly losing my mind. Being in this house felt confining, I felt like a caged animal that paced from one length to another. Claire watched as I paced and occasionally asked a question. I was too stressed to give her any real answers. After pacing for what felt like hours, but in reality was probably only ten minutes. Kim grabbed me by my shoulders, trying to hold me in place and stop my pacing.

"There's a pile of uncut wood outback. I'm sure Sam would appreciate you cutting it for him." Kim said and I nodded before going outside. I found Sam's ax in the garage and walked out to the cutting stump that stood by the forest to the right of the house. I slowly began to chop the wood and began releasing my anger on the logs. I imagined Edward Cullen's face on the wood as I chopped it wishing that this would be able to solve the problem. Then I imagined the pale, fire haired bitch that had given me the scars that I would be forced to see every time I looked in the mirror for the rest of my life. I blamed the bitch for putting my family in danger when they were forced to help defend my so-called sister. I blamed Cullen for getting involved in my so called sister and derailing any chance she had of having a normal life or a good mother. I blamed the entire Cullen family for coming to Forks in the first place and bring all the vampires to the area and for forcing all these people that I have come to see as family to suffer the loss of normalcy in their lives. I blamed Isabella for all the chaos she has caused and even though I love Alex I blame her for taking away the extra time I could have had with Leah before we were taking care of a child. Lastly, I blame Renee for having Isabella and leaving dad. For ruining my childhood and teaching me how to hate.