Jade Awakening

Lunch, Ladybugs, and Longing

The next day at school, I was jittery and unfocused through all my first classes. I couldn't shake the images that my mind conjured up of Beck last night, nor could I figure out what to make of them. Did I simply have too much tension in myself that needed to be released after two months of starvation; and Beck just happened to be the person that entered my thoughts because he was the only person I had spent time with? Sometimes dreams have a way of doing that – taking whatever you encountered recently and incorporating them into nightly visions. Or, was there a true desire there that I had chosen to ignore? In any case, I couldn't shake the thought of his lips and hands on me; so different from the way Ryder's hands had felt. But it wasn't real, I scolded myself.

To give myself a moment to let my mind race a little more, I made sure I was the first one at the lunch table on the Asphalt Cafe. I was poking absentmindedly at my Caesar salad as Cat made her way to our table next.

"Hiii!" she sing-songed. "Look! I found a ladybug on the ground, isn't she cute?"

As she set her tray down on the mesh table with one hand, she displayed the insect that was crawling on her finger with the other.

"Yes, very cute Cat," I humored her.

She studied the little thing and giggled whenever it walked across the palm of her hand – apparently she was very ticklish there. For a moment, I rather enjoyed having Cat being here to distract me from my thoughts. She took her attention off of the poor bug for a moment to take a sip of her drink and then noticed something behind me.

"Oh look! There's Andre, Beck, and Robbie," she said, and then called for them. "Over here!"

I turned to watch them make their way to us. I tried to not react now that I saw Beck in person. Play it cool, everything is normal. I was thankful, however, that he didn't sit down right next to me, but instead in between Robbie and Andre.

"What's up amigos and ami-girls?" Andre asked once he found his seat.

"I found a ladybug – looky!"

She proudly showed off her ladybug again to the others and, in my head, I facepalmed myself for her social awkwardness. I was thankful that they just found her ditziness amusing rather than weird.

"Where do you think ladybugs come from?" she asked us all. "I mean, how can ladybugs make baby ladybugs if they're all ladies? Where are the manbugs?"

"Uh, I don't think that's how it works," Andre started.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that some ladybugs are guys," Beck echoed.

It took us several minutes to try to explain to Cat that ladybugs are only called that, but the idea wasn't quite sinking in. We resolved the issue by just letting it go and diverting conversation into a new direction.

"Have you all gotten your costumes picked out yet for next week?" Robbie asked us all.

I was thoroughly confused, but apparently no one else was.

"Yeah, my costume is going to be simple," Beck said. "I just need to find a fake ax and I'm good to go."

"I've had my red, leather suit ready for a long time!" Andre chimed in.

"I'm getting my costume tomorrow!" Cat said.

"Are you talking about Halloween?" I asked, realizing that I had totally forgotten that the holiday was approaching.

"Uh, yeah!" Robbie said with a tinge of condescension. I gave him a face that immediately made him feel small again. "It's uh – next Friday, um, there's going to be a Halloween party after school. Haven't you seen the flyers for it?"

With my mind holding a fixed focus on Spring Awakening, avoiding boys in the hallways, and worrying about my own home life, I hadn't exactly been aware of anything else happening around me.

"They're calling it a 'Boo Bash,'" Beck added. "You should go, you'd probably like it."

He hasn't been wrong in judging my interests so far, I said to myself.

"Ahaha, it sounds like you said boobs. Ooh!" Cat got excited, "Jade, you can come get a costume with me tomorrow! It'll be fun!"

"I would, but –"

"Pleeeaase?"

"I don't know if I can."

"Why not?" she pouted.

I was embarrassed to say the next part out loud. I thought that my days of having to explain this was behind me now that I was in high school. I probably should have guessed that Halloween would be a big deal at a performing arts school where creativity and characters are celebrated.

"My parents are pretty conservative Christians. I was never allowed to celebrate Halloween growing up – mom always said it was the Devil's holiday. I doubt they'd let me now," I admitted.

Cat was flabbergasted, "So you've never gone trick-or-treating? No candy?!"

"And I thought Robbie's life was deprived," the puppet teased.

"You gotta come to the Boo Bash," Andre interjected. "There's going to be a bunch of food – and candy – and live music and everybody's going to be dressed up. It's gonna be the chiz."

I considered it. I wanted to go now, especially if all my new friends were going to be there, too. The issue then would be to find a way to keep it secret from my mother. The idea of doing something behind her back gave me a small thrill.

"Okay, I'm in. Can you meet me in the Black Box after my rehearsal tomorrow?" I asked Cat.

"Yay! This is going to be so much fun!"

There was still quite some time left for lunch and we allowed the conversation to switch to different topics. Andre asked Beck and I how the movie was to which I ended up gushing over Tawny Walkerblack again. Robbie shared that he found a birthmark on himself that's shaped like a jellybean, but we had to cut him off when he started describing how he found the birthmark. And Cat, at some point, got worried that she ate her ladybug.

When lunch was over, we gathered up our things and began to part our ways.

"Oh, wait!" I called after Beck.

I peeled back the flap of my messenger bag and pulled out the invigorating flannel.

"I almost forgot. Thanks again for letting me borrow this."

"Oh yeah, no problem," he said kindly. When he went to grab it from my hand, his fingers accidentally brushed on mine. The miniscule touch was enough to get my mind wandering again – was that on purpose? Did I like the touch? Can he tell that I'm thinking about it? Foolish as it was, I was also a little sad to see the flannel go. I already missed the security it brought with its scent.

There was a moment where neither of us said anything. I probably should have just nodded and gone straight to class, but I wanted more to come out of our interaction. What exactly that would be, I wasn't so sure. Suddenly, we stood too long and the awkwardness became tangible.

"So, uh, I guess I'll see you at rehearsal," he finally said.

"Right, yes. Um, yeah, I'll see you then."

He gave a friendly smile and left for his class. Yikes, not very smooth, Jade.

I figured I could fit one more, small update in before the weekend is over.  I hope it was still enjoyable even if it's shorter!