Jade Awakening

Audition

For the rest of the week, I evaded Ryder as much as I could, but every now and then he would find me and, perhaps unknowingly, make me feel uncomfortable. On Tuesday, he pushed for my help on an assignment for Mrs. Yonder's acting history class -- a class that I'm not even in! When I tried to politely decline, he pushed. Any opportunity he got, he would get himself close to me -- close enough to where I could smell his coffee breath and I thought he could use a mint -- so I found myself having to speak more firmly to make him back off. I was not used to speaking in such a way to anyone; assertive and unapologetic.

The next day, he caught me as I was pulling a book out of my locker and ran his hand past the small of my back and onto my hips. From an outsider's point of view, it would seem innocent enough, but it felt incredibly violating to me. When I turned, his face was smug and his demeanor overconfident. I wanted to punch him in the lips. Did he really think he was that charming?

In an effort to cripple his inflated ego, I returned his gesture with the most uninterested and unbothered face I could. I wore that face every time he intercepted my path to try to convey that I was not interested. And yet, he would still stare at my --

I wonder now if he thought it was all a game. Boys are taught that girls will play hard to get and that the fun in pursuing a relationship (sexual or romantic) is by chasing after them. It's all about the chase. Why can't they take a hint?

***

It was finally Friday and, thankfully, I managed to avoid Ryder all day. I headed over to the Black Box theater where they were holding the open auditions for Spring Awakening. Admittedly, I did not do much research for the show before today -- I knew almost nothing other than that was set in late 1800s Germany. I had no high hopes for landing a large part. I wondered if I even wanted to have any part in this at all; if it might consume too much of my time and ruin my chances at committing to another project that would actually prove to my dad that this was all worth it.

Nevertheless, I sat in the hallway, outside the doors of the theater and waited for my call. There were several other people in line as well. One of them looked as if she were having a panic attack (probably a nervous auditioner), a couple others were doing vocal warm-ups, and some were just fidgety. One girl in particular, though, was starting to get on my nerves. Her vocalizing sounded like that of a tone-deaf seagull.

A teacher came through the doors, glanced at the clipboard in his hand, and called out for the next student.

"Trina Vega!"

The tone-deaf seagull turned and said, "Ooh! That's me."

She followed after the teacher to have her audition. And she wasn't in the room for more than 2 minutes before she exited again. We all looked at her, knowing that her audition must not have gone well if they kicked her out already. But in her delusion of grandeur, she strut out of the hallway as she said:

"I know -- I just have a natural gift! One day you girls will get your chance to shine, too."

A handful of girls, including myself, rolled our eyes at her self-absorption.

A couple more people came and went through the doors before the teacher with the clipboard finally called out my name.

"Jade West -- you're up!"

Since I would not be auditioning for any major parts, I didn't have any nerves walking into that room. In front of the stage, there was a panel of three teachers -- the one with the clipboard, one with a dark complexion, and one who looked homeless. They introduced themselves one by one: the first was Paul, the drama teacher. The second was Anthony, the music teacher. And the last was Sikowitz, the acting teacher. I was most perplexed by him as he was drinking straight out of a coconut through a straw.