It was hard to not laugh at myself the whole way home. I was giddy – a word I never thought I would use to describe myself. Although, I also wouldn't have imagined that I would want to be involved with a boy again, so I've surprised myself twice today. And now, I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss. I wanted him and he wanted me.
When we had awkwardly left the janitor's closet, I immediately texted Cat that I have "news" to share with her for the next time we see each other in person. I could barely contain my excitement, but there was no way I would tell her that I had my first official kiss through text. I could feel my phone buzzing non-stop through the pocket of my jeans as I biked home. Cat couldn't stand to wait for what my "news" could be and was now blowing me up with messages such as "Tell me! Tell me!" or "Ur killing meeeeeee".
It was elating to be the holder of a piece of juicy information and having the power to share it whenever and with whomever I want. I was going to revel in it for as long as I could stand to hold it within myself.
I decided that, at least for today, that kiss was mine and mine only to know. As soon as I got home, to avoid the possibility of being seen by Mom or Jasper, I headed straight for the stairs – there's no way they wouldn't notice that I couldn't stop smiling!
Within the confines of my bedroom, my sanctuary, I felt safely separated from the world. Upon hitting my head onto a pillow, I let my mind wander freely. The scene of Beck talking with me, making me feel better, and meeting my face to kiss me played in my mind on repeat. I found myself missing it already.
Could this lead to something more? I wondered. Does this mean we're... dating now?
I marveled at the idea of Beck and I being a couple. Images of what could be flashed through my mind. Us walking through the halls of Hollywood Arts with fingers interlaced. His arm draped over my shoulders when talking with our friends. His hands on my face to guide a kiss. Us laying with one of my legs wrapped between his. Him pulling me in closer.
Had it been anyone else, I could not possibly imagine wanting to be so close to them, so touched by them. With Beck, I was almost certain I wanted it – at least in theory.
Flashes of the kiss came back. The flesh of his lips were so soft and sweet, yet full of unfulfilled need. The second kiss we shared sparked a feeling that I have seldom felt recently – a flutter in my lower abdomen and a warmth that spread even lower. I don't think either one of us actually wanted to stop, but reason told us to.
I entertained the idea of not stopping. The very thought of deeper, more eager kisses and some safe exploration of other areas of flesh caused the dull, aching desire to return. Like I had wondered once before, I wondered still what it could feel like for someone else to touch me – when it is done with true care. I wanted to believe that if I could ever trust another person to get that close to me, Beck could be that person.
In theory I had to tell myself. "In practice" is still miles away.
Desperate to satisfy the growing itch between my legs and to know the feeling of another's touch without actually having a person physically present, I came up with a solution.
***
"Mom, have you seen my Pear Pods?" Jasper yelled from downstairs.
She stepped out from our parents' bedroom – well, I guess it's just her bedroom now – to shout back, "Check on the kitchen counter! I think I saw them next to the fruit bowl."
She waited with her head craned to hear confirmation from below that Jasper found the item. I walked down the hallway to her with a towel in hand.
"Got 'em!" he blared.
YOU ARE READING
Jade Awakening
Fiksi Penggemar"So... acting is really about not acting. But instead about letting the emotions inside you come out and represent moments that deeply resonate with you.... I need to write that down!" An exploration of Jade West's backstory and the beginnings of B...
