Jade Awakening

Too Much on my Mind

Time felt like it was moving differently now. At the start of the school year, every day passed at the speed of molasses and I wished that it would just speed up. My head used to hurt constantly from my parents' fighting and their impending divorce. My heart used to feel displaced from my chest every time I came to school and had to sit in the same room as Ryder. The aching never seemed to cease and, as if to taunt me, each passing minute would go by as slowly as possible.

Now, ever since Beck came to me in the janitor's closet, everything started to feel like it was whipping by. My head feels clear and my heart feels still.

There are still moments where I accidentally make eye contact with Ryder and get a sudden spike in my chest. But the moment quickly passes when I recall that he wouldn't dare touch me again and that he might even be scared to mess with me anymore. There are also still moments when I feel like I might lose control of my stability when Beck and I enact certain scenes in rehearsal, but he is quick to alleviate my senses. Everything feels something next to normal.

By the end of next week, having spent extra time after school in rehearsal, we will have run through almost the entire show. Soon enough, we will have our costumes and dress rehearsals and... opening night! The show will run for one week – the last week of school before Winter Break – and Dad will finally get to see me in action.

Oddly, he volunteered to drive me home from school today when I could have just as easily biked. My assumption was that he wanted to put an effort into mending our tearing relationship by spending some quality time together, even if it was for only 10 minutes.

Sikowitz, Paul the drama teacher, and Anthony the music teacher had all of us stay in rehearsal a little longer today to get used to moving from dialogue to song and from scene to scene seamlessly. We were able to get through the first act with little interruption. The second act still needs some work, but we were able to get about halfway through it. We had to redo our performance of "Totally Fucked" a few times, though – some people couldn't stop giggling at themselves for cursing on stage at school, and others had trouble with the choreography. I shot the culprits an irritated glare every time we had to start over.

Having to speak, sing, and move so much today properly exhausted me. I was certain that I would feel sore in my legs and back the next day. When we were finally dismissed, I stretched until I felt a satisfying pop in both of my elbows and in my shoulder blades. Twisting, and leaning to and fro, I tried to get the tension in my spine to pop, too, with no luck.

"Need help cracking your back?" Beck asked, hopping off of the stage to stand by me.

"I'll get it eventually-" I grunted through my teeth as I twisted again "-if I can find the right way to turn."

Robbie approached us eagerly upon hearing our conversation and offered, "I can get it! Rex and I give each other massages all the time!"

"No. And that's not something to admit out loud."

Without regard, he proceeded to reach his hands to my shoulders. "Come on, I'm really good at getting kinks out."

Before he could touch them I flinched and firmly said, "Don't touch me."

Robbie took a deflated step back, but Beck gave him a reassuring pat on the back that communicated "don't sweat it" and "better luck next time."

"Do you want me to try?"

"Ugh, fine. But only because I can't seem to get it myself."

"Wh- hey! Why can't I do it, but he can?"

"Because you're you, and Beck and I are..." What was the right word? Can I say-?

"Dating," He finished for me.