𝖮 𝗂𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖮𝖻𝗌𝖾𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇 ʰʲᵖ

• ℭ𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔗𝔴𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔶 𝔉𝔬𝔲𝔯 : 𝔍𝔞𝔯 𝔬𝔣 𝔈𝔪𝔬𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰 •

TW: Self-harm. Mentions of mental health problems... If you have problems, my dms are open for all of you.

• Chapter Twenty Four : Jar of Emotions •

[••• ––– •••]

Harry sat, unblinking and rigid, on the chair beside (Y/N)'s bed. His hand remained intact into (Y/N)'s relaxed one. He kept playing on her fingers, rubbing and caressing them, to kill time.

He couldn't sleep. He didn't know why, but sleep couldn't visit him at that moment. He wasn't complaining though, he also wanted to look after the girl all night.

(Y/N). Oh, this very girl he was staring at. She looked so celestial, unworldly... heavenly. But what does Harry have to deserve her? Nothing.

He may be 'the Chosen One' or 'the Boy Who Lived', but he felt nothing like the sort when he was with (Y/N). She made him feel like he was just a normal kid in their teens by showing him that he was being loved — that he deserved all the love in the world.

He doesn't deserve her. He had done so much immorality in his life to even deserve to be in close contact with her.

On the other note, he couldn't help but feel this certain feeling on his chest: fear. Fear of (Y/N)'s abandonment of him. What if she found out everything he had done? What if she knew it already and was planning to turn him in? What if she will leave him for that? What if she won't feel safe around him any longer? What if she will find someone else better than him?

He stopped caressing her hand and slowly removed his hand from her. He suddenly felt contaminated. He felt like he was infected by a contagious virus. He didn't like the idea of being close to her if he had killed people — no matter what reasons were — and had stalked her for almost all of his Hogwarts life.

Harry swallowed dryly and looked down at his lap. He bit his lower lip harshly to the point that it had bled slightly. His tears began flowing again before he could stop them.

He covered his face with his palm, not even minding if his eyeglass was on the way. He soon broke into silent sobs.

He felt so small, so frail without her. He only wanted her to be safe with him... but will she ever feel safe around him anymore? Will she trust him again?

A small creaking sound made Harry look up from his hands, cheeks were tear-stained. His heart jolted when he saw that (Y/N) was stirring.

"H-harry?" she mumbled weakly.

The called boy immediately wiped his tears and scooted closer on the bed.

"L-Love?" he hesitantly whispered, slipping his hand to hers. "I-I'm here."

(Y/N) slowly and carefully glimpsed over to Harry's direction.

"Y-you didn't leave, did you?" she asked innocently.

Yet Harry knew what it meant. He gingerly shook his head, tightening his grip.

"No, I didn't... I promise I didn't. I never left you."

She smiled warmly, driving back the pressure he was giving.

"I trust you."

Harry gaped at her collected expression. He doesn't deserve her smiles either.

"(Y-Y/N)." he stuttered, swallowing again. "I-I have to tell you s-something."

The Ravenclaw girl's smile faded. Her eyes turned sad.

"No, Harry, don't." she said, closing her eyes. "Please, don't say anything just yet... I'm not ready." she whispered.

The Potter boy began crying again, his heart clenching and unclenching. He looked down, fighting back the urge to sob.