𝖮 𝗂𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖮𝖻𝗌𝖾𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇 ʰʲᵖ

• ℭ𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔈𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱 : ℜ𝔞𝔳𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔩𝔞𝔴 𝔗𝔢𝔞𝔪 •

• Chapter Eight : Ravenclaw Team •

[••• ––– •••]

(Y/N)'s laugh resonated through the empty library with a joke that seemed long lost just by the way she reacted to it. Although it wasn't that funny, she had to distract herself from the upcoming try-outs.

Now, this should be making her nervous as hell, but Rowena knows how hard it was for (Y/N) to face this alone. She doesn't have anyone to help her in any way, no pep talks, no encouraging words. She couldn't have Cho because she already had left. She couldn't have Hermione and the others because they didn't entirely promise that they will watch. She couldn't have Harry because, well, he was busy.

She was all alone than she ever had imagined. She was all by herself with this... with her own problem.

She couldn't understand at some point. This is what she wanted, to be alone with her feelings, with her thoughts, to understand more of the situation, but... things weren't that easy to understand, she realized.

Alright, she was away for two months with no other communication but through calls with her parents, nothing else. She was perfectly fine.

But when she got home, everything went back to what it used to be, to what she wanted to leave behind. Everything went back to zero.

She felt stupid for feeling this. She couldn't handle things as much as she did before. She couldn't hide her feelings, it was as if someone was forcing her to just break out every single time, and yet, she had no outlet to pour out on.

She was tempted, for so many times, to just go to Harry and talk to him, hold him, do whatever he wanted to do, to agree to what he had been begging for them to do. She was so close to giving in, and it was so obvious since yesterday when she let Harry touch her and kiss her like that. She had wanted more but she didn't tell Harry about it. She was scared that she had no control of her body any longer, which she had been longing to survive.

Was that even normal? She knew her situation with Harry, her situation with Draco, her situation with everyone else, but a part of her mind was telling her to ignore this situation and have fun.

What was the point? She asked herself every time. What was the point of having fun if everyone else would think how idiot she was, or even worse, how slut she was?

Maybe it was just a post-traumatic stress disorder. The overthinking, the lack of self-control, the nauseating stomachache, the constant horrible nightmares. She never know since she hadn't taken a doctor with her for the summer and never had talked to her parents in the fear of being isolated too.

"Yow, (N/N)? Are you still in there?"

(Y/N) woke up from her bad reminiscing by Andrew's voice in her ear.

"Huh — yeah, yeah. I'm still here." (Y/N) replied, clearing her throat and adjusting her position on the shelf. "What were you saying?"

"No, nothing. I just thought you should be in breakfast right now, you know, before the try-outs." Andrew said on the other line.

"Oh." said (Y/N) blankly, although, inside her, she didn't want to go anywhere but to the library. "Yeah, sure. Probably later."

The Heather girl heard him sigh through the speaker of her phone.

"(Y/N)." he said in a soft yet stern manner. (Y/N) immediately knew that she was being scolded. "You should really go. I get it, you don't have someone with you because they're busy, but... isn't Quidditch the only thing you could really have to remove your thoughts on? Come on. If I was there, you know I'll be with you, right?"