Sunflowers | GonKillu

Games x and x blames

We sit silently at the warm fluffy carpet in the living room, legs crossed and I'm next to Gon. Then again, he's also next to Violet. Likely. I grimace slightly as they chat away. Aren't we supposed to be playing Uno? I sigh quietly and look away, then at my warm cards. I got a red 5, a uno reverse, wild +4, blue 9, green 6, and a green 2. These ones are useless... there's a stacked amount of 4 +2's and it's my turn. I can't stack it so... i reluctantly grab 8 cards. A discontent sigh excape from my thin lips, I'm tired and I want to sleep.

Then Violet politely excused herself to go to the bathroom and her majesty got up and left. I just stared at my cards. I'm fucked at this rate... atleast I have a wild +4 but I'm saving that... ugh. I felt Gon's gentle stare, and picked my eyes up to catch him. He smiled at me when our eyes met, and I couldn't help but return it. "Sooooo- bad hand, huh Killu?" He chuckled, and I shrugged, "Ehh... kind of" I remark quietly. He chuckled again and put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close so then our shoulders touched. I gulped and looked over at him and he still smiled, "Oooh idea- who wins this game gets a prize!" He exclaimed, as if he just got the cure for cancer. "Ow- right in my ear, dumbass." I mumble, putting my hand up to my verbally assaulted ear. Despite it, my heart hummed quietly with a muted longing, like it was on silence for too long and was threatening to let it show on my face how I felt. Only a fool would expose himself, especially to heartbreak.

Gon just hummed quietly and bumped his head against mine affectionately. I gulp, nervous and oh god he's close to me- save me god. Thankfully, Violet came back and ironically saved me, because Gon rushed over to her for a loving embrace.. Good while it lasted I guess. I'm a hypocrite. "... So are you guys gonna team up on me?" I asked quietly, in a joking matter, a coping mechanism I've gained from not being able to be apart of them. I'm just a entity, watching their love like I was separate. Shielded from the pain by these stone walls I've build, over and over. Walls... Gon used to slowly chisel away at the stone shielding me, I was scared. I was too selfish to let him in, he might leave and leave me defenseless. Relaity snapped me back harshly then, oh right. To my dismay, Violet responded to what I previously quipped, "Oh come on Killboy of course not- but I doubt your deck would stop us" she chuckled, and Gon did so as well in a playful matter. Whatever I guess. In her own... awful way, she was taunting me. Flaring a red flag infront of a bull, but I refused to charge. Gon is here. She wants him to hate me. To leave me.

"Oh wait- we need snacks!" Gon exclaimed in a panic as he ran to the kitchen, and Violet laughed and walked after him. Great, now they're going to hug in the kitchen. A groan of disgust came from me as my eyes picked up on something shiny. Violet's phone? On the ground? Unguarded? My my don't mind if I do- for researching purposes only though, obviously. With a mischievous hum I take the phone, and to my surprise there wasn't a lock. Huh. Well I guess Gon doesn't look through people's phones so there's not reason to lock it. Well, better for me anyways. The homescreen of her device was of her and Gon. I was also in the picture, for some forsaken reason but that wasn't what made my spine shiver. She cropped my face off and instead plastered hearts around her and Gon. My stomach twisted sickly, my god why does she care so little about me? Is it because nobody truly does? Is even my little sister just... taking pity on me and saying she loves me? No- NO- I wont dare soil her image in my mind! Gon doesn't love me, but Alluka does. It's pure sibling love, she adores me. I'm alive for her. Gon doesn't care. He tells me emptily he wants me here, for what? Making me suffer a slow, painful death? Like those I used to give to the unfortunate souls I've killed...? Yes... in some way I desurve this pain. Maybe that's why I stay, in a sick way I enjoy this. Enough of my inner voice, there is a task at hand. Exposing the one who Gon loves, maybe find something embarassing of her like a child photo.

I was about to go to google to see her search history, but a message popped up. My eyes expanded in shock and a gasp escaped my mouth. Huh?

Hubby💛: Hey Violet dream, are you free tonight for some quality time? ... with some benefits? I heard you are tired of your crappy boyfriend not wanting to go further in your relationship then kissing- have some time with a real man instead of a minor. 😏

... Who is this dude? And- .... that backstabbing bitch thinks that being with Gon is tiring? I resist the urge to literally crush the phone in my vise grip, but Violet herself walked back into the room and caught me looking at her phone. She scowled threateningly and lunged towards me for her phone, as savagely as the cheating boar she is. A pedophile with a side hoe, plenty others too I assume fell into her villainous clutches. If I liked women, she would have been all over me. Only for the fact she could. But, I simply had a revolt towards older women, not out of disgust but forna reminder of my mother. I simply took a breath in and dodged her easily, she landed nimbly on her feet and realized that approch of attack was immature, so she instead cleared her throat and pointed a gun at my head. Really? A gun? At a 17 year old kids head? Wow. Petty. I'm almost feeling pity for her, in this world it's child's play to work around basic artillery with nen.

"Go ahead. Shoot. Gon would know you shot me, and if I somehow survived I'd still tell him about you being a... stupid cheater. How could you-?? Do you SEE what a priceless man he is??" I exclaimed, not showing fear towards the predatory female. I mostly blankley stated what my heart was shouting, unable to filter for a second. My heart jolted in realization of what I said- inpulses only lead to pain, I remind myself. She stood silent, and Gon walked into the room with chips, "Hey guys I brough-...." a sudden light thud onto the floor drew my eyes over to the chip bag being dropped onto the floor and Gon staring at the little situation. Violet reacted quickly and put the gun away, but it was too late and he saw. His eyes looked between the both of us, trying to connect the dots in his mind and peice why his best friend was being held at a sad gunpoint by his lover. ".... What the actual fuck. Violet? Why did you...?" "He tried to touch me!" She exclaimed pitifully, turning the victim. I shouted in a revolted surprise, what the ACTUAL FUCK? Gon looked at me confusingly, "Is this.. true?" He said, believing that lying bitch over his best friend for two long years, and I was speechless. My mouth grew as parched as a desert, straining for any left fluid that haven't evaporated like the words on my mouth. I DIDN'T DO- you know what...

"Gon- I didn't do anything. She's CRAZY-" I say, slowly approaching Gon, who stepped back hesitantly. I paused, the look on his face was of confusion anger and restrain. Does he actually believe her? "... Gon you don't..." I start, looking at him with a dejected pain in my eyes. He wouldn't abandon me like this for a women, right? Our friendship is worth more to him... right? He gulped; Adam's apple bopping silently with a protective but confused feeling. Then he began to walk towards Violet's side, "... Touch her and I'll never forgive you Killua!" He said, choosing her over me, and that stung me in the heart. He actually believes her. Over me. ".... I didn't.." I started, backing up in fear and pain; my worst fears awakening in me, from in slumber when Gon was dying after the.. Incident. My whole body slunked at that memory, it flashing threw my mind like a bright light, so painful and vivid: I TRIED TO FORGET, I TRIED TO NOT HURT ANYMORE- ... It was suppost to be fine after Alluka healed him. My whole body quivered, in captivity of the bloodthirsty memory that I tried my best to bury deep within. Gon looked at me with slanted eyes and a arm infront of the sociopathic liar.

... so between us, he picks her? Why..? After all... My lungs felt full and heavy suddenly, shit not now- I painfully choke down petals as I rush out the front door, hand on mouth to keep it down. Esophagus on fire and being slit open from the inside by dozens of tiny thorns; as sharp as Gon's betrayal of trust. He tore down my walls, never again will anyone do so. NEVER AGAIN- I run down the stairs of the apartment, out of breath as my lungs were giving out; too much in pain and grief to work, as soon as my knees land on the pavement I heave and two flowers cut their way out of my throat, and I wheezed in a gory, black, hellish... pain. My lungs on fire, head in quake's of shattered memories, and heart fallen to pieces. A quiet desperate needy wail resided from my throat, weak from the still raw lungs and the sharp raw pain in my esophagus from the oxidizing sores in my throat.

Why does Gon prefer her to me? His best friend? Were we ever friends? It was that a lie too? WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN- I ALWAYS GET LEFT BEHIND- WHY... couldn't... I have just gotten the love I needed... as a child..? My mind restored to factory settings, a 7 year old child. In a desperate need of comfort, I cradled my legs shakily to my chest, heaving and choking on my tears and the unpleasant wounds I got myself.

Why am I such a baby..? Coward..?