Sunflowers | GonKillu

Hopeful x but x hindered

I know it's my fault.

I hate being alone though.

I should visit Alluka, they are both already there most likely.

Yeah.. that's something to do. I gather myself off the floor and sniffle, wiping away my tears and stand up, still slightly shaking but I leaned against the wall. But what hospital did they go to? I don't know which one is closer, and my phone is dead.... I took a few deep shaky breaths and slowly walked down the rickety old metal stairs, each step down and transference of my weight onto my feet caused a squeaky creak to sound, making my cringe a bit as I take the 40 steps down to the floor. I wasn't even hurt, so why do I all of a sudden feel so much heavier? I shake that thought out and look ahead. I'll take my bike, that should be fine.

I got over to my dark red motor cycle with the paint all sleek and shiny like brand new, and the smell of the recently oiled leather of the seat calmed me down a bit. I approached my vehicle which was locked to one of the large metal poles supporting a thin sheet metal roof over the cars, sheltering them from the splintering heat or the smothering rain. I span in the code and the lock clicked and I used my key to open the seat of my motor cycle and put the lock in as I lock it back up and start my motorcycle, shoving the key in my pocket. There was a loud vrr and the low metallic purr of the motor as I put on my helmet and kicked off, pulling on the accelerator and driving off to the streets to look for a hospital nearby.

As I drove, the current of air from moving refreshingly blew on my chest and neck as I drove, and eventually through all the business buildings and fast food spots, I could find the tall pale white hospital that had light pale windows covering it's face which seem a dark blue due to the tint in my helmet, the building was bare and ominous, the windows like eyes of the beast. Ugh. As you can tell, I hate hospitals. With a deep breath I pulled into the parking lot and locked my bike as I took off my helmet and place it down and began to approach the big wide clear glass doors with a metal plating near the bottom so then
the doors don't shattered from carts or wheelchairs.

I could already smell the hand sanitizer and a vague smell of blood and other chemicals from inside, just being by the front door. I clamped my nose closed instinctively and winced, the last time I was at a place like this, I.. it wasn't good. I wasn't there mentally for a while but I almost died in a hospital and that alone is traumatizing. Not to mention being alone in a room all by myself with no recollection of what happened before for a while before seeing Leorio and everyone and remembering. I squinted slightly, I wish I didn't remember. I wish it never happened. I wish... no.

No I'm not going to pity myself. What happened has happened, the past is the past. I needed help back then, and I rejected it. And plus, Kite isn't dead anymore. Well. Kite is a girl ant now but- its still Kite! .... his image is broken though, as a mentor and a hunter to look up to. He was a father figure to me then and can't be anymore. And my heart aches too much even thinking of Kite. Because the Kite I knew died. Well, in a way I died as well. I'm no longer the happy go lucky island boy I once was. I know what pain is, I know loss. I know sacrifice.

It isn't about me anymore though. Honestly. It's about Killua now. He is truly all I have left in some sense. I can't be here on this earth without him or my aunt. So, for him, I'll enter this building of... ugh, stenches and chemicals. And... and blood. Oh God why is my sense of smell so trained. I sighed heavily with early regret as I sucked it up and opened the door, going inside and being blasted by the air conditioning which sent a chill down my spine and the door sounded a bell which ringed.

My eyes shot to the person at the front desk, purposefully avoiding the faces of the sick and dying all seated solemly at the waiting chairs, they were a cold unforgiving blue plastic that hurt your back and might as well sucked the remaining life out of these poor souls. The lighting was dim and a low blue light from the going out florescents above that would kill my head if they were brighter, and it left a ominous dreary atmosphere in the waiting room, a ghost town of broken and scared people all waiting to hear their time of death or something.

I talked to the young lady at the desk, she seemed so full of life and bright and happy as if a literal child was hired at the front desk to make the older, more stressed and pained patients feel even worse about being in pain. She checked her computer when I asked about Alluka and she nodded at me, "Floor 2 room 18" she said in a sickingly sweet tone and I held back a scoff and nodded politely and acended slowly to the elevator.

I pressed the cold metal up button and waited, listening to the occasional ding as the metal box went down to my floor and it opened, all emoty. I was glad of that and entered, clicking the button for the second floor and after a few seconds I was there and the door opened to a few people wishing to leave. They all seemed soulless, moist faces that seemed like though they received the worst news of their lives as one of them was still sobbing to himself softly, a little boy. Around 13 or 14. My jaw clenched. I shoved past the people bitterly, too much reminded of myself in that boy. That boy in me is dead.

.. Right?