Sunflowers | GonKillu

Wine x tinted x glass

Alluka's POV:

It's not fair for Violet not to know. And it's not fair Gon tried to use big brother for his own gain. Sure Violet is a bitch who can't keep her hands to herself but what I walked into with Gon and big brother, he seemed no different. For instance, she tried to make a move on Gon and force him into a sexual situation. Big brother saved him and what thanks does he get? Being pushed into a sexual situation by Gon. I know Gon thinks he's justified, never being in a relationship before and he was molested by women when he was younger so he might think cheating is normal because Violet is all he's known in terms of relationships.

It's not like he had a stable set of parents to teach him what love is. His deadbeat of a father abandoned him with his aunt, and his mother is thought to be dead. His first love is Violet, and because he has no reference of a healthy relationship so he doesn't think twice about cheating even though I'm sure it hurts him and deep down he knows it's wrong. I also think he loves Killua, but didn't ever see it as romantic only as platonic like brotherly love. Recently though it seems he is starting to get more.. aware of his more intimate wishes. He was probably even justified in doing what he was doing with big brother in his head, he probably thought that it's fine since his girlfriend is cheating on him and temporarily broke up with him, and with my knowledge that big brother is head over heels for him, he saw big brother didn't object and saw that as a opening to cope with what's happening.

That's just what I think though, it could all be for revenge or he can be just that fucking dense and not even know what the hell he was doing. It's probably the latter, knowing Gon. Big brother did say not to tell Violet, but as Gon's girlfriend and a human being she has a certain right to know she had been cheated on like Gon knew. I walk around, and saw a glimpse of Gon in the kitchen, rummaging panicked through the fridge and cupboards, all of the small mahogany doors were left agap in a haste. Not my problem. Let him have a meltdown, he deserves it. Piece of shit. I walk past and make my way to the living room, and Violet was just on the couch, blaring the TV loudly as she watched a soap opera. I winced as the sound assaulted my eardrums and I turned off the show. She will literally have the whole apartment SHAKING with the vocals of the cast on this show!

She scrunched her brow in annoyance and looked at me, "Hey-! I was watching that-" she sighed irritatedly and I sat next to her, "Violet. I know we aren't friends or even on the same page. But I have something to tell you"

Gon's POV:

What's their problem! I was only taking my mind off of some stuff and messed around a bit! Killua liked it! He liked it when I touched him! He didn't stop me! ... he didn't care. He liked it. Why is it my fault..? I wanted my best friend to feel good, and it was a one time thing. I feel so bad. Why do I feel so bad? Why do I feel like I just got punched in the gut and got hammered in my head? My breathing staggered as I hastily rummaged through the fridge in search of something. I don't even know. My hands are moving on their own. Is this even me? Am I worthy of being me anymore?

My hands shaking grasped a bottle, and took it out of the fridge and closed the door. My breathing was heavy, and I stared at the label. 'Lavender red wine' .... why did I grab some of the wine that was gifted to us from the neighbors a couple days ago? My mind felt almost distant, as if all the ignored emotions were now the one is control and I was being ignored. I bit into the cork and ripped it off, my right canine aching afterwards as I spit out the cork and stare into the small dark hole inside the bottle. I move the bottle around so then a ray of light from the florescent ones in the kitchen shone through and reflected through the wine glass and set a crimson shimmer as a shadow on the floor to the opposite side of me.

I lifted the bottle to my lips and paused. Why am I doing this? I've never drank before. I've heard about the relief this brings but also the cost. Should I? I shouldn't. ... but what else could I do? Killua is probably upset, Alluka hates me, and... I feel like Violet doesn't love me anymore. Is there really no other way to feel better? Well it's not like my body is listening to me anyways so I guess this is it. I being the bottle to my lips and tilt up the back of the bottle as the crimson liquid began to fill my mouth. It tasted like dark bitter chocolate and sweet cherries but smelled like cinnamon and pine, a warm fruity taste in my mouth refreshing and reminding me of fall. Autumn leafs crunching under feet, the air tastes salty from the sea nearby as the song of the birds overhead fill the air with a peaceful chant, a natural melody. This reminds me of home.

Home. I want to go home. I want to see my aunt. I want to hug her and hide in her arms like a little kid as she tells me it'll be alright. I tear up then, shakily setting down the glass as I hiccup out in regret, I should have stayed with her. Safe with her. I miss her. I felt a couple cold streaks fall down my face as my hands clenched my fists so hard my knuckles turned white and my nails dug into my palms drawing blood. I know I took advantage of Killua. I feel so bad. I just want to be safe. Safe. I sniffle as my feet walk heavily across the cold lifeless wood, out of the bright florescent light into the more warm lit living room then back to the bedroom. The door was closed.

My ears picked up a sob from the other side of the door as I grasped the handle and slowly turned it. I looked inside and Killua was curled up tightly on the bed, head buried in his legs as it was painfully obvious he's sobbing. It's muffled enough though that nobody on the other side of the door could hear, I just have a heightened ability of hearing. It hurt my heart even worse to see him like this, like I did this. I closed the door behind me and that caused him to freeze. He hesitantly looked up and met my eyes. His deep, loving cerulean eyes were pink and puffy, his lower lip trembling pathetically.

".. W-why are.. y-you crying..?" He asked out, shakily. Oh. I'm still crying? I just paused and very carefully walked to him. "W-wha-" he questioned as I pull him into a tight hug, clutching at the fabric of his shirt and keeping him close, god I'm so sorry. So so sorry. "... I h-hurt you.." I trembled out and he gently hugged me back, burying his face in the nook of my neck and muffled his sobs into my shirt, as it slowly dampened with his tears. We just sat there on the bed in the dark, seemingly empty room, clutching eachother for comfort. It felt like just us in the world, and his mere presence made my soul feel warm in the dark husk of my body, comforted by the shared tears.

"... I-i'm.. sorry.." I choked out quietly, calming down. "I... S-should not have done t-that.. you.. you said yes.. b-but I feel like I used you n-neither the less..." I continued, hugging him more loosely as he pulled away to look into my eyes, gently brushing away my tears with the warm pad of his thumb. I leaned into his touch and he giggled softly, smiling a bit as his cheeks were still damp with tears. I smiled back and kissed his nose, ".. W-we are a mess, huh?" I ask quietly and he nods, looking down at the floor, "Y-yeah..."

"But we can be a m-mess together, right..?"