JADE (young justice/robin)

14. jected

Gotham City
October 30, 14:37 EDT

robin.

"If you divide the derivate— Carter?"

"Hmm? Sorry."

This was the tenth time she's zoned out while I tried to explain the notes I made on her math homework. I was in the middle of pointing to another section of my small handwriting next to the chaos that was her large scribbles. She's been like this for a while now, like something was off. She'd been avoiding me for a while after I asked her on the date, now she's just quiet all the time, and not in the usual way. "That's fine. Are you okay? You've been out of it all week."

"Just tired."

"Well, we can stop for today."

"Yeah." Her eyes were still fixed on the floor, they didn't just look tired, they looked sad.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but there were no words. She ended up just nodding slowly.

"If there's something going on you know you can talk to me, right?"

"I know."

"So talk to me."

She didn't say anything. She just let out another shallow breath before falling forward in her seat. Her head bumped into my chest and she just stayed there. I think I understood now. She didn't feel like talking, she felt like resting. I leaned my chin down onto her head, beginning to run my fingers through her hair. "Carter?"

She hummed into my chest. "Hm?"

"Do you wanna go somewhere to rest?"

Her head nodded up and down slowly.

I packed up our things and walked her to the park a few streets over. We were still in GA's vicinity, so the park was heavily maintained. It was gated in white picket fences they repainted every spring. The grass was always freshly trimmed and so green it was almost fluorescent. Children ran around through the grass and the polished playground, while their socialite parents talked amongst themselves. Despite the snobbishness this place gave off, I'd always found it so peaceful. I was surprised that I hadn't taken Carter here sooner.

I held the gate open for her, leading her towards the massive willow tree a few yards away from the playground. I dropped my bag in the grass, using it as a pillow when I laid down, then beckoned Carter to follow suit. Even her movements were lethargic. She sat down slowly, propping her backpack next to my head before falling into the grass with me.

"I used to come here after school all the time."

"Why'd you stop?"

"Life got busier. Didn't feel like I had the time."

"You do now?"

"I'm making the time." I turned on my side watching her stare up at the sky. I watched the sunlight peek through the willow branches and spot her face in gold. The way it reflected in the steel color of her eyes. "You want to tell me what's wrong?"

"Do I have to?"

"No, but it would be nice if you weren't so dejected on our date tomorrow."

"Make me jected then."

She turned to face me when I didn't answer. I found myself smiling at her like an idiot, because every minute we spent together convinced me more and more that she was perfect.

"Stop it," she scolded.

"Stop what?"

"Looking at me like that."

"With my eyes?" I argued.

"Like a dork."

"I'm not a dork."

"You're looking at me like one."

"Fine, I'm a dork. Now tell me what's wrong so I can ject you."

"I feel...." she trailed off, swallowing her emotions or whatever she was really thinking like she always does. I wish I could understand what more I had to do to make her comfortable. To make her want to tell me what she wants or what she's thinking. I just wanted her to trust that I really cared about her.

"You feel..?"

"Lonely."

I know she tried to make it sound impassive, but I could hear the way it weighed her down. "All the time or just when you're home?"

"All the time."

I wish she didn't turn to face me because I couldn't control the way my expression fell.

"I didn't mean it that way," she said quickly.

"It's okay," I told her, pushing my own feelings about it away. "But you know I'm always here for you, right?"

"Why?"

"Do I need to have a reason?"

"I guess not."

"But when you feel lonely," I grabbed her hand and laced my fingers through it, "I want you to bug me until you don't feel alone anymore, okay?"

"Okay."

"You still wanna rest?"

"Yeah." She let go of my hand and scooted herself closer, moving her head from her backpack onto my chest. She wrapped her arm around me, holding me while her eyes closed.

jade.

I woke up to Dick stroking my hair softly, whispering my name. My eyes opened slowly, realizing the sun wasn't out anymore and all the other kids in the park had gone home.

"It's getting late," he said softly. "Let me walk you home."

"Okay."

I didn't mean to be so lethargic, but it was a mixture of things. I was conked out on painkillers and in the back of my head I couldn't stop thinking about Birdie. It just hurt that two years worth of stolen moments led up to that crappy ending.

I know what I should do. Move on, be better. The same thing I was constantly lectured, constantly beaten into understanding. If I felt a certain way, I deserved it. If I got hurt or punished, I deserved it. If Bubs or Robin doesn't want to be around me, I didn't do enough and it was meant to stay that way. So yeah, move on. Be better.

But I didn't want to be better or move on. I didn't want to talk either. I couldn't fight which meant I also couldn't skate. So now, I just wanted to rest. To lay down until everything stopped or the world ended.

He helped me up, insisted to carry my backpack. He let my hold onto his arm while we walked and sat on the bus. Usually I couldn't put a distinction between whether his constant concern was endearing or overbearing, but right now I just found it sweet. It felt safe. He stayed with me until we arrived at the back door of the rink, and I finally let go of him.

"Hopefully, you feel a little more jected now."

"I do, thanks."

"Anytime. So we're still on for tomorrow?"

"We're still on."

"I'll pick you up at seven." He turned to leave.

"Dick?"

"Yeah."

"I don't... feel alone when I'm with you."

A smile formed on his face.

"Thought you should know," I said, starting to head inside. "See you at seven."