JADE (young justice/robin)

22. broken arrow

Mount Justice
December 30, 14:30 EST

jade.

Nobody spoke to me on the way back. Not even Birdie.

It was probably better off that way. We'd get back to the cave, I'd get kicked off the team, and they'd probably feel too self-righteous to let Eden go. Everything would work out... I hoped.

The problem was I was waiting for Birdie to say something. I wanted him to say something... anything. I wanted to know what he was thinking, even if he was angry. But he didn't.

I found Birdie in the kitchen, washing the goggles, to my surprise. I placed myself at his side and just watched him scrub the dried blood from the lenses. I thought he might say something first, but he didn't.

"Do you hate me?"

"No."

"But you're mad at me?"

"No."

"Then why did you look at me like that?"

"You nearly killed forty people all by yourself. How was I supposed to look at you?"

"I don't know... I don't know what to do anymore."

"Do you know why you did it?" he asked, letting go of the goggles so he could face me. "The Shadows, or Sportsmaster? Is it about settling some kind of score?"

So Kaldur did tell him what happened...

"I thought I was with Sportsmaster, but I didn't feel that way today."

"What way?"

"Angry."

"How did you feel?"

I knew the truth would scare him. It would push him away. I would admit just how much of a monster I am and then I'd lose him forever. "I felt really happy," I admitted quietly.

"Doing that... made you happy?"

"Please don't hate me," I begged.

He grabbed my hands. "I don't hate you."

The emotions I always bottled so well, were doing their best to break through. My lip quivered as I spoke, "Why?"

"I don't know. But I'm not gonna leave you. And I'm not gonna let you leave."

"Something's wrong with me," my voice broke. "I wake up everyday and I feel like none of my thoughts or my decisions are actually mine.The only time I don't feel empty is when I'm hurting people."

"You feel empty around me?"

I shook my head, hating myself for letting a tear escape my eye. "But I feel like I'm hurting you too."

"No you're not—"

"I am. I hurt you when I ended things, when I got in the way of you and Zatanna—"

"Zatanna, what—"

"I even hurt you earlier when you saw what I did. I'm not good for you," I admitted defeatedly. "And I'm not good for Eden either. Look at what happened to her because of me."

"That wasn't your fault."

"I stood there. Didn't say a word, didn't do anything."

"You didn't know—"

"You know she had asked me so many times before that if we could leave. She asked me to leave the Shadows and I refused every time... I'm not good for anything except violence."

"That's not true—"

"Tell me something good I've done for you. Carter or Jade."

His hesitation was all I needed to hear.