JADE (young justice/robin)

42. the scars

Blüdhaven
June 12, 20:40 MDT

jade.

"I have to admit I was surprised to get your call."

Zatanna had a lot of my features, but more defined. Our eyes were deep-set, but hers were wider and warmer. Our hair was black, but hers had shape and life to it. Our frames were small, but the way she carried herself appeared more bold.

"Actually, I was surprised to have been seeing so much of you recently," she pointed out. "I thought you retired."

"I did—I am."

"Then, am I crazy to think it was you who represented the team during the last League call?"

What she was referring to was my attending a meeting as Dick's envoy. I sat there the whole time, obviously not saying anything. When Captain Atom called on me to report how the team was doing, all I could say was "They're fine."

It seemed that Dick and I had reached a bit of a stasis over my retirement. Yes, I was retired, but no, I wasn't actively retired at the moment. I'd been coming back to the warehouse a lot to help him make plans, and end up spending the night there. I'd oversee training sessions when he didn't have the time to. I even debriefed the team for a mission while he had to be away in Taos.

I didn't like how some of the kids were "warming up to me" as Dick called it. Like they'd adjusted to the way I barely spoke or lacked emotion and began to find comfort in it. I didn't like how some of them started calling me Carter, or how Gar started showing me the souvenirs he was saving from missions, or how Cassie kept asking me for pointers on her fighting form. I didn't like that they were getting used to my being here, when I was inevitably going to leave, sooner than later.

Dick, in particular, was relishing my being around so much. I knew what he was doing. He kept trusting me with different tasks in hopes that it'll eventually convince me to stay, knowing I'd agree because I didn't want to stress him. I couldn't bear to see him breakdown again, but I knew that it would crush him when I'd have to admit I'm still set on retirement. That the rescue mission on the Warworld really was my last.

Red was not as pleased compared to the rest—one of the better reasons to stay, in my opinion. She didn't listen to any of my corrections about her sloppy form, or how I could bust her kneecap in two moves because of how wide her stance was. The more responsibility I took on, the more the line between her eyebrows seemed to deepen.

"I was just helping Dick out."

"That's good," she said a little too enthusiastically. "He could use it from what I've seen... Does that mean you'll be joining me on tomorrow's mission?"

"No."

"That's too bad. I was hoping to fight alongside you again."

The last time you and I fought together, I got shot.

"I'm not really interested in fighting anymore."

More awkward than I had been, she said, "Oh, well, it's not for everyone..."

It is for me. I just choose not to do it.

"I'm guessing you didn't exactly call me to catch up," she moved on. "What can I do for you?"

I pulled my sweater off, letting her see the scars that littered my shoulders and sides. I showed her exactly how small red gashes that were still healing, stemmed into hundreds of little white lines across my skin.