He Is My Everything

Chapter 1

Phil's POV + Missing You - All Time Low

I awake from a peaceful slumber with dark circles forming under my eyes. Beginning to sit up, I rest back on my elbows. My head makes a sharp left and looks at the small clock next to my bed. I squint, trying to form the small symbols into a time. The clock reads 6:34 am. I throw myself backwards to resume my previous laying position, and I move my arms over my face. Yet another day of waking up before sunrise. Once I've gained the motivation to move again, I stumble out of my room and into the small kitchen, making sure not to wake up Dan in the other room. I start boiling water for some tea to wake me up.

"Following your true british instincts, aren't you, Phil?" I think to myself, letting out a small puff of air in replacement of a laugh. I wouldn't want to awake the currently sleeping Daniel. He is the grumpiest person if you wake him up, but if he wakes himself up, he is fine.

The apartment is quiet with nothing but the soft pit pat of my feet against the cold tile floor. I gaze upon my small collection of tea flavors and choose the third one in line. Today feels like a peppermint kind of day. I've always liked this kind of tea when it is cold out. I pull a small tea bag out of the red, green, and white container. Within a few minutes, I have a warm peppermint liquid. The clock on my phone reads 6:56. Dan still isn't awake yet.

I quickly run to grab socks out of my room, making sure to not hit my feet hard on the ground. I pull out a blue pair and stick them on my frozen feet. As soon as I leave my room, I slide into the kitchen to get my tea.

The mug I have chosen warms my hand as I choose something to watch on Netflix. I click on the nearest anime and sink a little deeper into the small couch I own. After a few hours of TV, I hear "Unnatural Selection" softly play from my phone, telling me that Dan texted me. I feel my heart begin to beat faster and faster as I open the new message.

I can hear you watching Attack on Titan without me. I smile at the small message and hear the creak that I had come to know as Dan's bedroom door. He walks out of his room messing with his own hair.

"You've betrayed me." Dan says through a small giggle as he sits down next to me. His strong English accent is so much cuter than mine. The silence is comfortable as I sit with him, relaxing into my sofa crease.

"We should film a video today. Want to do a Phil Is Not On Fire 5?" I say after a few moments of hushed remarks at Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. I can see Dan nod in agreement, both of our eyes fixated on the bright screen.

After several hours of Anime watching with Daniel, I set up my camera on it's tripod in my room and we begin filming. We lead the video with our usual, playful banter. A solid half hour passes while we goof around with each other, throwing things, yelling and singing at each other. I like to think sometimes about how fantastic it is we've come so far with each other. I'm really happy I have him in my life, but sometimes I feel like the only reason I'm even remotely popular is because I am friends with him. He tends to have lots more people like him over me. He's way more popular than me too.

The camera goes off and Dan goes back to his spot on the sofa while I go clean up myself. Our bathroom is directly across from my room. I turn the cold water on and run a rag under it and begin to wash off my "whiskers". The washcloth starts to turn more of a dark gray color with every hard wipe. Soon enough, my face is clean, but it is red from scrubbing of Sharpie. I run my hands through my unkempt black fringe, making an attempt to fix it a little. I look at myself in the mirror and make the decision that I look good enough to enter the room Dan is in.

I drop myself onto the couch with Dan and pull out my sticker covered laptop. I type in the familiar URL and go on Tumblr while Dan continues Attack on Titan. We stay like that for a few hours with me occasionally poking Dan to show him something. Every time I did, he would let out a small laugh, and every time I would stare at him just to look at his smile. It is a thing of beauty.

My curiosity spikes and I make a terrible decision. I'm going to look through the Phan tag. I click enter and the first picture that pops up is of us as sushi. I shouldn't have done this. The farther down I scroll, the weirder and more sexual they get, but I am too consumed already. It's oddly addicting. I stay in the tag until I see Dan turn to look at me. My hand scrambles across the screen as I panic to close the tab.

"What're you doing there buddy?" Dan says, raising an eyebrow and laughing. Do you think he saw the Phan? I really hope not.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. Definitely." I say quickly in response. My voice cracks in the middle and I most likely look like I was panicking. That's probably because I was panicking, but that's besides the point.

"Yeah. Sure." He smiles and turns back to the television. His smile is wonderful and while looking at it I can't help but to smile myself.

I close the computer and put it on the small coffee table. I start watching Attack on Titan with Dan, trying to not think about the previous events, and to focus on the character's voices paying through the TV. I've already finished this series, but Dan hasn't, and I don't mind watching it again. Plus, if Dan's there, it's an extra bonus.

Dan finally hits episode 10 when we both realize it is 2 am. Neither of us have anything to do tomorrow so Dan will probably stay up, but I'm going to lay down.

"Hey, Dan, I'm going to go lay down." I say softly, trying not to interrupt his show too much.

"Noooo." Dan draws out the "o" and reaches out for me with one arm. We both look at each other and burst into laughter.

"Sorry, not sorry." I manage to get out of my mouth, and I turn to exit the room. I wonder if he's actually upset I'm going to bed.

The trip is short, ending within seconds. In those seconds, I pass Dan's piano, his room, the bathroom, then I'm at my room. I gently close the door as to not make much noise. As I pass by the switch, I turn off the light in my room. After fumbling around my room for a few moments, I find my bed. I settle back into it and the bed is no longer tidy due to the video we made today. Thanks, Daniel.

Even though I have two blankets on, I am still cold. It has been extremely cold lately. I gather some heavier blankets from around the apartment and add them onto the pile. It takes a few minutes for my body to finally sit comfortably in the bed. My limbs start to relax, and I look up to stare at the blank ceiling above my head.

At times like this, when I cannot sleep, I like to think. About good things, bad things, and everything in the middle. I try to avoid the bad because why focus on negative when you could be positive?

I begin to think about Dan, and where I'd be without him. I probably would've never gotten so many people to enjoy my videos. Most of my fans came after the first Phil Is Not On Fire. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's my best friend, and I'm glad I've had this journey with him.

I think about all the things I love about him. I do this with many people, but tonight, it feels different. I can think of thirty things I love in seconds. It makes my heart beat fast and the corners of my mouth instantly turn into a smile.

I love his smile. I love his laugh. I love his interests and aspirations. I love when he messes with his hair. I love how he talks to people. I love his sense of humor. I love when he does the little wink thing. I love how he expresses himself.

A huge smile breaks out onto my lips, and I wrap myself with my own arms.

I think I'm in love with Dan Howell.