He Is My Everything

Chapter 6

Dan's POV + Fix You - Coldplay

Phil's kiss was like heaven on earth. His soft lips blended perfectly with mine and it made me crazy. The kiss was rushed yet filled passion and longing. When he pulled away all too soon, he left me craving more. I walk back up to his door and wait for him to notice me. When he looks up at me, my newly found confidence vanishes.

"I'm not saying that I liked it, but I wouldn't necessarily mind if you kissed me again..." I try my best to not to look nervous, but I failed horribly.

He scrunches his eyebrows in the cutest way humanly possible. "Are you asking me out?"

Oh no."Well I, uh, I just thought um, well no," I can feel my face heating up, and I start wringing my hands which is a clear sign that I'm nervous, "I was just saying t-that I wouldn't complain if you were to k-kiss me, for a s-second time."

He quickly strides over to me and grabs my waist before crashing our lips together. He steps forward, forcing me to step back. By doing this, he leads me out into the hallway. Then he gently pushes himself towards me, leaving my back pressed up against the wall. My eyes get wide as I had never taken Phil for someone to take control. He pulls away and makes eye contact with me.

"What? You said you wouldn't mind." He smirks at me while I basically melt in his arms. His lips meet mine again in a frantic, yet amazingly hot, kiss.

We continue like this for a while. His hands gripping onto my waist and mine eventually found his hair. I run my fingers through his fringe and his grip on my waist tightens. Suddenly he trails his lips off of mine and down to my neck and jaw. He puts sweet pecks all over my skin, leaving fire in his wake. In the midst of this new sensation, his hands go under my shirt. Mistake.

His hands touch my scars and suddenly I don't care about how bothered he is making me. He can feel them. Every one of those lines representing a time that I failed. A time when everything I had wasn't enough. He must have felt me tense up because he pulls away instantly.

"What? What's wrong?" His pale face is plagued with worry. I shake my head. I-I can't find words. I can't breathe. I'm panicking. His hands remain on my hips because he doesn't know that them being there is the problem. I slide down the wall to sit on the floor, forcing his hands off of me. I'm shaking as I pathetically crawl into my room, locking the door.

I must have looked so stupid. My anxiety turns to anger as my thoughts race faster. I've ruined everything. I pick a glass cup off of my bedside table and whip it at the wall. It shatters. I continue screaming and pacing while picking up different things to throw. My lamp and all of the little trinkets on my dresser come flying off as my arm comes straight across the top of the wardrobe. I can't find anything else to throw, so I resort to punching. I punch a hole nearly straight through the wall separating my room from the lounge.

Slowly, the rage subsides to sadness. Tears flow and don't stop for over half an hour. I glance around my room taking in all of the damage I've done. The pile of broken glass catches my eye. As I walk over to it, I feel a longing, a craving. It hasn't even been 24 hours since last time but right now, I really need it.

I pick up the sharpest piece I can find pull my shirt off. I can't find a blank space. That only makes me want it more. My common sense is gone, overpowered by my urge to do this. I take to my wrists. Adding several red lines to each one I keep going until I can't find anymore room. I'm too tired to clean up, so I just lay down on the floor, right next to the pile of glass. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll roll over in my sleep.

Oh how easy it would be to leave the world. No problems anymore. I smile as I drift off to sleep. The thought of finally having inner peace is a lullaby to me and it sends me right to sleep. I long for nothingness. The complete peace with no worry to plague my life. Oh how beautiful that sounds.

I sleep and sleep and sleep until, unfortunately, I wake up. Phil is kneeling over me, tears pouring out of his eyes.

"Dan! Dan! Wake up, dan! Please..." His voice is strangled as he cries out for me. But I don't want to see him. I don't want to be awake.

"Phil, I'm fine." My voice is sharp as I shove him away from me. I don't need him right now. I put my hands on the floor, pushing myself upwards, but I stuck my hand right into a pile of broken glass. I cry out in pain.

"Fuck! Ow, you've got to be kidding me!" I shout angrily while cradling my hand to my chest.

Phil picks me up and throws my arm around his shoulder, guiding me into the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" I can feel the tears coming on. Although this time, it's physical pain. Shards of glass stick out of my hand in different directions. He guides me up to sit on top of the sink. I watch as Phil reaches under me into the cabinet and grabs the first aid kit.

"Sit still, this is probably going to sting." He says as he comes to stand between my legs. His voice is soft, he is being cautious. I'm tired of fighting him, so I let him help me. Firstly, he picks the small shards of glass out of my hand. Secondly, he takes out just a wet rag to clean the blood stains off of my wrists. Then, he takes out disinfectant and sprays some on my arms. It hurts like a bitch, but I don't cry out. I don't need any more sympathy. Lastly, he takes out two wraps and carefully encloses my wrists. Then he gently places a small kiss on each of the wraps. That brings a small, but genuine, smile to my face.

"I-I'm really sorry, but I can't just stop, Phil. This is going to take time, but maybe being with you would help," I take in a deep breath and try to calm my nerves, "so, if you'll still have me, I'd love to be your boyfriend."

He doesn't respond for a while, so I assume the worst.

"Or I understand if you don't want to, I don't deserve you anyways. You're way too perf-" I'm cut off by Phil's lips meeting mine. It's a sweet, innocent kiss, yet it's rushed. We break away is a cluster of laughs and smiles. Phil brings our foreheads together and whispers gently to me.

"You're perfect to me." He's so fucking cute that I can't help but to bring my lips back down to his. The kiss ends quickly as Phil breaks away.

"I love you, Phil. So much." We both smile and he leans forward to bite my nose.

"I love you, too." He laughs at the confused expression covering my face.

"What's with the nose biting?" I giggle and bite his nose in return.

"I don't really know, but I kind of liked it..." Phil trails off and I decide that it's time for playful banter.

"Did I just find your kink?" He bursts out in laughter and claps his hands.

"Definitely."

I'm so glad this idiot is finally mine.