He Is My Everything

Chapter 23

Phil's POV + Cinderblock Garden - All Time Low (Sorry it's late!)

I leave the apartment that I once called home, leaving Dan behind. A few tears tug at my eyes, but I pull them back. Crying won't do any bit of help for me here now. There's no purpose for the tears besides tell everyone that I'm not okay. I angrily open the door leading to the outside world and step into it. I get into our car, driving away with blurred vision, the tears still sitting in my eyes.

I drive to the park nearby our flat and venture deep into the trees. There was a small clearing amidst the forest where I had been coming lately. Rarely was there ever others here, so this had become my little spot to think. I sit myself down on the stick covered ground, leaning myself up against a tree. I put my head in my hands, now letting myself cry. I have to let it all out. All the anger. All the sadness. Everything. It drains me of all my energy, pulling me into an accidental sleep.

I walk back into the flat, dreading what I may find beyond this door. It has been two weeks since I've stepped foot in here. The tv is turned on, some random show playing on it. As I walk further in, I can make out the shape of two people. I continue walking until I can identify one of them.

Dan.

Someone else I cannot recognize resides beside him, his arm thrown over my Dan's shoulder. I walk closer to the two as Dan averts his gaze to me.

"Go away, Phil. I don't love you anymore. I'm not sure if I ever even did."

I wake up gasping, my lungs begging for air. The dream Dan's last words ring around in my head.

I don't love you anymore.

Does he still love me? Did he ever? Would he take me back? Well, there's only one way to find out. I have to go back to our flat.

Can I even call it our flat anymore?

I get up off of the dirt covered forest floor, wiping the debris from my hands onto my jeans. My breathing becomes steadier, and I begin leaving the park. I gain a few confused stares from strangers, probably from my soft mumbling to myself. I try to form my feelings into words, later on into sentences, but I can't. I can't even figure out what I'm feeling.

Am I hurt? Am I sad? Am I angry? I think it's a mix of all of those. Most of all, I think I just miss Dan. I miss holding his larger frame in my arms. I miss our hour sessions of anime watching. I miss him.

All of this thinking distracts me from the short walk. By the time I refocus my attention on walking, I'm at the door of our flat's building. I close my eyes, breathing deeply and making sure I'm doing everything I can to have this turn out for the better. I give myself a standard pep talk before reopening my eyes.

It'll work itself out, Phil. It always does.

Breathe. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. Remember?

My key fits in the door knob as it's supposed to. It turns with ease under my hand.

See? Nothing's gone wrong, yet. Emphasis on yet.

The trip up the stairs is short, but that doesn't make it any less agonizing. I step in front of the door with anxiety filling my every thought. Within a second doorknob turn, my body steps into the once familiar room.

Bottles and bits of clothing litter the room, some glass also resides on the floor. The glass strikes panic into my heart, flooding my memory with the past experiences of broken glass. I rush myself into Dan's room, finding him lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling.

"Dan!" I yell accidentally, and I fling myself on top of him, hugging his body tightly. "I'm so sorry. I missed you s-" I'm cut off by Dan putting his arms around me and speaking.

"Oh heeyyyy Phiiill. I miiisssed you tooo." Dan's words slur together and come out longer than necessary.

"Are you drunk?" I unlatch myself from him and look him in the eyes.

"Nooo, of cooouuursee not!" Dan hiccups between almost every word and lets a small giggle follow his statement. I flash him an awkward smile and nod along with him.

"Alrighty then." I avert my eyes, wanting to wait until he is sober to confess my feelings to him. A look of excitement then flashes across his face.

"Wait, wait. Uh, ha, Ph-Philly look what I did." Dan then whips his hand out and shoves it in my face, nearly taking out my right eye in the process. I grab his wrist and gently pull it away from my face so that my eyes can adjust to what he is showing me. His ring finger is encased in cling wrap, the inside looking agitated and red.

"May I?" I question, pointing towards his hand. Dan gives me a excited nod before I carefully remove the covering. Underneath it shows a small red heart with two letters inside.

P.L.