He Is My Everything

Chapter 11

Phil's POV + Can You Feel My Heart - Bring Me The Horizon

--- One Week Later ---

"Hey, Dan. You excited about vidcon today?" I speak excitedly as I enter the lounge area of our hotel where a sleepy eyed Dan awaits. We finally landed here in California yesterday. I wanted to get here early so that I could settle into the territory. It definitely is different here than England. I kiss Dan hastily on the cheek. "I know I am." I can barely stand still. I love seeing the fans, but I know Dan's social anxiety has been acting weird lately. It's been getting worse considering he feels like he has to constantly hide his arms. Dan's ashamed of his scars, and he thinks when he doesn't cover them, people see him differently. Like he's unapproachable. Different. An outcast.

"Yeah. I'm excited to interact with the fans again, but I am sort of scared. There's going to be a lot of people there. And I haven't talked to them since I made the video and the live stream with Pj..." Dan trails off with his speaking and begins to look downward at the grey carpeted flooring.

I sit on the nearby sofa and Dan follows suit, sitting down next to me. Wrapping my arms around him, I begin to speak, "If you don't want to you, don't have to go. I don't want you to be uncomfortable or anything like that." I pull away from him and look at him while he shows a sad smile.

"I owe it to them." Dan pulls away from my arms and brings his soft lips up to mine. "Plus, I would get to be there with you." My teeth shine through my smile and I can feel blood rushing into my cheeks.

"Okay. Problem number two. What do you want to do with these?" I motion down towards his healing arms. He doesn't have to wear the bandages on his arms anymore, unless he wants to hide them, but he usually covers them with long sleeves. The wraps don't hide them very well anyways. I continue speaking. "Considering we're in California, I'm going to assume you don't want to wear long sleeves."

He looks down at his arms also. The cuts were now fully scabbed over in a dark brown and red color. Dan has created a new small addiction: He scratches at these all the time. He told me they itch a lot.

"I mean, the fans already know about it? There's no point in covering them. And it's hot af." Dan smiles as he speaks, insuring me that he'll be okay.

"Well I'll be." I turn and look at the nearby clock. It's 8:32. "We should get going. It's almost 9."

We exit the hotel and enter the car we are renting for the time we're here. I get in the drivers seat, which is oddly on the left. Dan gets in the seat beside me and we begin our journey to vidcon.

The drive is long and filled with small conversation between Dan and I. He grabs the aux cord and plugs it into his phone, tapping the screen a few times before music starts. I recognize the simple rhythm and choppy singing.

"Can you feel my heart?" I question the beautiful boy sitting next to me, my eyes not leaving the road. I hear him mumble a quick "Yeah." before he continues to lip sync the half sung words.

Dan has been listening to a lot of heavier music lately, and I oddly enjoy it. I feel the drums shaking my heart and turn the music down slightly. The bridge begins to play and I take a moment to really listen to the lyrics.

I'm scared to get close, and I hate being alone. I long for that feeling to not feel at all. The higher I get, the lower I'll sink. I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.

You can tell a lot about someone just from the songs they listen to. I wonder if this is how Dan feels.

A few songs later and we find an okay parking spot. Dan turns to me, grabbing my face and pulling me into a deep, passionate kiss. After he pulls away, I stare at him, breathless. I tilt my head in confusion, but I definitely enjoyed it.

"Since I won't be able to do it in there." The corners of my mouth turn into a smile as Dan plants another quick kiss on my lips. "Let's go."

We both exit the car, and we enter the large building. With some help from the kind people working there, we're pointed in the direction of where we'll be.

"One minute." We hear someone in the distance yell. Those few seconds pass and they open the doors to the public. People begin to flood in, some carrying cameras. Then I spot the groupies in the distance.

A pack of three walks over to Dan and I wearing layers upon layers of make-up. They also are wearing shirts that barely cover their stomachs with "Dangirl" written on them. I shoot Dan an 'oh no' look and he returns it.

One of them comes up to Dan, and she directly grabs Dan's arm from his side. She begins tracing her lips on my Daniel's scars. Anger fills my vision.

"Aww, you poor thing." One of the other girls says. I wish I had the strength to reach out and slap her. Dan attempts to pull away, but the girls grip doesn't loosen.

I walk over to her and calmly grab her arm, trying to keep cool. After yanking it away from an obviously uncomfortable Dan, I ask her and her friends to leave our area. Today's not off to a good start. I mouth "You okay?" at Dan and he nods in response.

We go a few hours meeting and taking pictures with fans, a few of them had tears in their eyes. One fan that I specifically remember told us a beautiful story of how we helped them pull themselves out of depression. A handful of people would mention Dan's self harm causing his mood to sadden. All of the supportive things they told Dan made him tear up on multiple occasions.

The next person that walks up to us is a boy who appears to be in his teens.

"How could you do this to us, Dan? I would kill to have your life. You have it so good, you've got nothing to be depressed about." The boy is yelling at Dan and causing a crowd of people to circle around us. Dan bursts into tears, sobbing loudly and holding his face in his hands.

Before I can do anything about the rude, ignorant "fan", security pulls him away for causing a scene. I put my hands on Dan's shoulders and he looks at me with red, sadness filled, eyes.

"You're going to be okay, Dan. We don't have to keep going. Do you want to go back to the hotel?" I try to keep my voice calm and quiet, but it is extremely loud here. Dan nods, and I take him with me to talk to PJ, who was not far from us. He informs us that we can leave for the day, considering the circumstances.

We exit the building together, pushing through the crowds of people. Once we make it to the car, I put my arms around Dan, squeezing him tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Dan" My voice is a whisper. Dan pulls away from me and slouches down in his seat. He closes his eyes and I can see his chest move as he takes in a deep breath.

"Can we just go to the hotel?" Dan manages to speak with a shaky voice. "I just want to lay down right now." I can hear the tiredness in his voice.

I relax my shoulders and exhale, trying to cool down.

"Okay." I reply, and we exit the car park with a silent drive ahead of us.