He Is My Everything

Chapter 9

Phil's POV + Better Off Dead - Sleeping With Sirens

I wipe down Dan's arms, trying to not hurt him too badly. He still flinches and squeals through the whole process. My hands search in the bottom cabinet for the bandages and find them within seconds. Since, this time, the wounds are not bleeding, I make thinner coverings on Dan. He lifts up his arms, bending them at the elbow and wrist to make sure I covered them correctly. His feet land on the floor and he pulls me into a tight hug. I squeeze him back, equally as hard

"Seems good." Dan laughs lightly through his words, holding his arms out and looking at them. The smile fades and he speaks again, "We should upload that video."

I nod slightly and figure out what I'll do next. Dan follows me into my room while I grab my laptop. We go back into his room, plugging the camera into my computer. Both of us sit against the bed's headboard, Dan putting an arm around me. I lean in closer to him ensuring I don't touch his cuts. The laptop warms my outstretched legs and it takes a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the brightness.

A few clicks later and the video is up. This doesn't take as long as other videos considering we aren't going to edit anything.

"I'm not hurting you, right?" I speak and look up at Dan. He's completely mesmerizing. I see his mouth move, but I'm beyond lost in his eyes. Shaking my head a little, I manage to pull myself back into focus.

"I'm sorry, what'd you say?" I smile and feel my face turning red. Dan lets out a small chuckle and repeats himself.

"I'm okay. They hurt a little less now." He looks at me with a small smile and continues, "You're really cute, you know that?" I smile at him and pull up a tab to watch YouTube. We have some time to kill before our fans will see the video. In the search bar, I look up our first Phil Is Not On Fire video. Tears begin to build up on my eyelashes.

"I still remember filming this. It was 'the most fun I've ever had'." Dan smiles while he talks and so do I. He pulls me a little closer.

"Quoting yourself? Wow." I laugh quietly and close out the tab. We hear lots of muted dings, indicating that the Phandom has begun to comment on our video. Pressing the mute button on my keyboard, I switch back to our video's tab. My hand scroll down to look at what everyone's saying. Most of the comments are along the lines of "Feel better Dan!" or "The Phan!", and all of those bring smiles to both of our faces.

Then we hit the other type of comments.

"Wtf they're faggots", "There's no reason to be a cry baby", "Other people have it worse", "Continue to cut your emo wrists. You're worthless." As soon as these appear on the screen, I slam the computer shut. My efforts to protect Dan from seeing these fails.

Dan takes his arm out from behind me and puts them on his face. I gently throw my laptop on the floor and move my arms around the now crying Dan. His sobs started slow then progressively got louder. He leans into me more and I hold him tighter.

Please be okay, Dan. It's the only thought I can process.

"I knew it. I'm worthless. They even told me." Dan stops to take in a breath. More cries are heard before words. "I should've cut more. Deeper."

I can't believe it. These people take this as a joke, and now my beloved Dan is in hysterics thinking about ending his life.

"No. Don't say that. These people are fucking idiots. Don't listen to them. I need you. Please. Stay with me." My voice is cracking and I don't care. I'm holding back tears, but Dan has given up on restraining them.

"I just, I can't live like this! So many people hate me! They just want me dead, and right now, I want to be dead." Dan begun yelling and broke away from my arms. He stands up beside the bed, immediately breaking down into tears. "I should've killed myself when I was 17. Then I wouldn't be such a burden."

I get up off of the bed as well and join Dan where he's standing. I walk in front of him and grab both of his hands in mine.

"You're not a burden. You never could be. You're my happiness, babe." His tears don't stop and he won't meet my eyes

"B-but, I-I'm just n-never good enough for a-anyone." Sobs rack through his body on almost every other word. I bring one of hands up to his face to tilt his chin up, forcing him to look at me. But still, his eyes stay glued to the floor.

"Come on, Dan, look at me. Please." At my gentle tone, he lifts his eyes up so I can see that their beautiful deep brown color is plagued with sadness. It kills me to see him like this. I would much rather see him with light shining in his eyes and a big toothy smile on his gorgeous face.

"What?" Dan spits the words out at me.

"Please calm down. These people don't know what you're going through. You had your reasons. But you're getting better, right? If you weren't here, I don't know where I would be. Probably a nobody living alone-" Dan interrupts my speaking with an embrace. I can feel his tears on my shoulder.

"Phil, angel, I'm really sorry. It's just hard for me to be so depressed all the time and as soon as you convince me that I deserve to be alive, those people have to come and start the cycle all over again." Dan pauses frequently to take in breaths as he speaks.

My hold on him tightens and a tear or two falls from my eyes. "We're going to be okay."

Dan lets go of me. He looks at me with tear filled eyes.

He inhales deeply before speaking to even his voice out. "Thank you. Really." His hands find his face and wipes off tears.

Dan lets out an exhausted yawn, causing me to yawn as well. I turn my head to look at the nearest clock. It's 1:56 a.m.

"Bedtime?" I ask, addressing it towards Dan. He simply nods in agreement. I begin to exit the room, to enter mine, when I hear Dan's voice from behind me.

"Hey, Phil?"

I turn around and tilt my head partly out of confusion, partly out of curiosity. "Yes?" Dan's cheeks begin to turn a rosy color.

"Can you stay with me tonight?"

"Of course." I accept the gesture and we both get into his bed. I lay on my side, facing him. Dan tilts himself over as well and puts an arm around me.

"Thank you, again." He says calmly. His voice is quiet, as usual, and smooth.

"No thanks needed." My simple answer turns my jagged breathing steady again. I wiggle around a little to settle in.

Dan starts to close his eyes, and I can feel his chest rising and falling with every breath. I take in some air and exhale, also closing my eyes.

"We're going to be okay." I state once more.

And with that, we both drift peacefully into sleep.