Honeymoon Rivals

27| Allowed

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Allowed

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Chapter 27: Allowed (Poppy's POV)

I was losing my mind over Joshua Everett Nilsen. I wanted to kiss him senselessly every time I saw the way he looked at me but every time the thought crossed my mind, I remembered that there are rules that we have to follow under our employment contract. We could get fired if Lydia finds out. 

But who would tell her if nobody knows? 

I scolded myself and spun around before he replied to my previous comment and continued walking, hoping he wouldn't say anything to me. We were reaching the end of the dome aquarium room and the long and narrow room just closed off at the end with a wall. I was running to a dead end but I couldn't look at Josh without wanting him anymore and I wasn't allowed to want him. He wasn't mine to want. I stopped at the end and let out a sigh, watching the tank and all the creatures swimming inside. I felt Josh stop beside me once he caught up, both of us standing in silence. 

"So are you, Poppy," he said after a long minute. 

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. 

"Did you really think I haven't thought about it like you have?" he chuckled dryly. "I have. I do think about it every time I look at you. But then I remember that we have jobs that mean too much to lose. Don't they?" 

"Yeah, but... What if we find something that's worth more than those jobs, you know? You never think about that?" I turned to look at him and found him already staring back at me. "And I'm not just talking about you and me, I'm talking about you with anybody else at our office or me with anybody else. Josh, it comes down to one question, if you really think about it. Do you really see yourself working for Lydia for the rest of your life? Does this job really mean that much to you? Or is it traveling that you love?" 

"Poppy, I get to travel because of this job. I can't give it up so easily." 

"I know. But how can you say you won't find something that's worth more than this job?" 

"If you're talking about falling in love with someone then it's different. I don't have a lot of faith in the whole concept of love. You might be out of luck with me," he scoffed softly at himself. 

"Okay, maybe you don't believe in love, maybe you don't want to fall in love with someone. But that doesn't mean you can't want someone or want to be with someone. At the end of the day, Josh, it's about what you want and how badly you want it. It's about what you want more. And if you really want something, then you shouldn't regret choosing it." 

"But that's the thing, isn't it? We always regret something." 

I nodded, "Yeah. But some things are worth a little regret. You have to decide what is and what isn't worth it. I might be worth the risk but am I worth the regret if you have to face any?" I faced away from him, folding my arms across my chest, watching the jellyfish float past us. "I think you are," I admitted. 

"I am?" he asked. 

"Yeah. Because traveling means the world to me, not this job, not this magazine. I can always work somewhere else, there are better companies, Josh. Travel Addict Weekly is what it is today because of you and me. Our columns, our articles run that fucking company. And I'd like to see Lydia try to manage without us around. There are opportunities at every corner for you and me, Joshua," I sighed, dragging out his name before facing him again, smiling. "We just have to open up to them. I'd work anywhere else in a heartbeat as long as it makes me happy. Worst case scenario in my mind, I get fired. So? Big deal, I'll get another job."