He came riding into the courtyard with others of Arthur's men, banners flying and armor shining in the sun. I did not know then that he was not the king: his figure, his bearing, even the black horse he rode suggested power and sovereignty. I stood at the window, barely concealed by my curtains, watching as he spoke to my father. My ladies thought he wanted to start another war, and they were bored, but I watched until my father brought him inside.
Then I was sent for, and duly appeared, to find that this magnificent man was not, in fact, King Arthur, but rather his friend and comrade-in-arms Sir Launcelot. Moreover, the king himself wished to take me to wife.
My ladies were overjoyed on my behalf, for as they said, if a king's knight could be that manly, then surely Arthur himself must be even more so. And thus it seemed, from the knights' descriptions of their king as we rode back to Camelot.
Sir Launcelot spoke very little to me, much less than the other knights. In fact, he spoke very little at all, and I became vexed with him, and amused myself by flirting with Sir Lamorak and Sir Gawain. Then Sir Launcelot was angry, and caught my horse's bridle-rein, and rode aside with me.
"You are to be queen, you must not act as you have done. You will bring shame on Arthur and on your father."
What cared I for Arthur, the king who wished to marry me but would not come to my home himself? But Sir Launcelot had also mentioned my father, and I bowed my head in acknowledgment of his words.
His eyes softened. "I know this is very difficult for you, especially as Arthur was too busy to come himself. Try not to be too upset: he is a king, after all, and the duty of kings far outweighs that of common men."
"And what of the duty of queens? Am I merely expected to look pretty, bear sons, and refrain from shameful activity?" Sir Launcelot was a chivalrous knight, but it seemed that he valued the brains of men over those of women.
"If you did anything else, my lady, the kingdom would throw you out, and Arthur too."
We arrived at Camelot on a wet and windy evening. Arthur had already dined, but refreshments for the knights and myself were in the great hall. He was not there, and I ate sparingly.
The next morning Sir Launcelot was to present me to the king. I wore my best clothes. Upon entering the great hall, he left me to stand with the other knights, and I proceeded down the center of the room alone.
As I rose from my courtesy, I saw Arthur's face for the first time, and realized with shock that he was little more than a boy. He could not have been younger than most of his knights, but his face was smooth and a little rounded yet, although when I peered at the edges I could see them roughening and hardening.
He stood up from his throne and came toward me. "Lady Guenevere," he said, and smiled. To this day I cannot describe Arthur's smile: I know only that it is possibly the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
He took my hands and drew me off to the side, where we began to talk. I discovered that, though he never admitted it, everything the knights had said of him was true, and if anything, they had neglected some of his most excellent points. He was always breaking off in the middle of a sentence to apologize for not coming himself to bring me to Camelot, or to ask if I liked riding, or hunting with falcons, or dancing. In short, although he was not so charming to look at as Sir Launcelot, his manner and actions were just as pleasant, if not more so. Still, there was a sort of offhandedness about him, as though he was anxious not to care too much.
For several days we waited as the preparations for the wedding slowly continued, and a fortnight after I arrived at Camelot, I had become the queen of Great Britain.
Yet a niggling thought lay in the back of my mind: why had Arthur chosen me?
This was the only question that he would not answer. In most cases when I asked it, he ignored me, and on the rare occasions when I persisted, he managed to reply with something that sounded satisfying but answered a different question entirely. Thus I turned to his knights, but they knew nothing. The only one of them who might know something, they said, was Sir Launcelot.
At this time Sir Launcelot was away on a quest, so I had no means of having my question answered. I became irritable, not only because of this but because I had not yet conceived a child. Arthur, for all his alleged brilliance, did not understand why a child was so necessary, and since he was the only one who did not understand, no one knew quite how to explain to him, as every explanation one gave did not satisfy his curiosity.
I had been wed to Arthur for three years and had still not conceived when Sir Launcelot returned. A fortnight later Arthur went away, and I summoned Sir Launcelot to my chambers.
"My lady queen," he said in confusion.
"I have a question for you, Sir Knight, if you know the answer and care to tell it. Why did Arthur choose me over all the other young ladies in his kingdom?"
He looked as if he did not know the answer, then as if he did not wish to tell me. Eventually he said, "There was considerable pressure for him to marry, and he wished to create an alliance with your father."
I had expected this, but deep inside I had also hoped that Arthur might have had another reason, one more pertinent to me. Now that I knew he had not cared for me in particular, I had an explanation for his offhand interest and his lack of desire for a child.
"He is married to Britain," I said. "And I am married to his shell."
