Captain Kirk was sitting in his chair on the bridge, watching space zoom toward him. He was feeling quite content.
The doors of the elevator burst open, and Uhura stormed onto the bridge. "Captain, I want a transfer."
Kirk swung around in his chair, a questioning look on his face.
However, she interrupted him before he had a chance to ask. "First Officer Spock has been behaving in a most... inappropriate manner with me, and I fear that his unwanted attentions will cause me to become distracted from my work."
Kirk pondered this. He saw a hole in her argument, and debated whether to bring it to her attention. "Lieutenant Uhura, if the attentions were truly unwanted, then they would hardly distract you, would they?"
Her eyes flamed. "Well, they'll definitely distract him!" she snapped, sounding like a petulant schoolgirl.
Kirk leaned back in his chair with a smirk on his face. Chuckling quietly, he told her, "Lieutenant, you're digging yourself in deeper and deeper here. Why don't you do us all a favor and admit that you like Spock."
She sucked in a breath, but before she could launch a tirade at him, Bones intervened. "Jim, if you think anyone could actually like that pointy-eared bastard..."
"Then what?" asked Spock's cold voice from behind him.
Bones jumped.
Spock continued, "You stated the first part of an if-then conclusion, Doctor McCoy. I believe that, had I not interrupted the somewhat prolonged silence between the parts, you would have finished your conclusion. I assure you, I am eager to hear what you think of me. Vulcans are not easily offended."
Bones snorted. "No, and they're not often eager, either."
Uhura had moved to the other side of Kirk's chair and was regarding Spock warily. Spock, disregarding her, stepped down, next to the chair. "Captain, I would like to inform you of my resignation."
"Oh, not you too," sighed Kirk. "Come on, can't you guys make up and be friends?"
The glares he received from both Spock and Uhura convinced him that they could not.
"Okay then." Kirk stood up. "Lieutenant Uhura, your request for a transfer has been denied. First Officer Spock, your resignation is not accepted. I don't really care if you guys hate each other's guts, we're a team, and we're not going to be broken up by anything except death. So get back to your jobs, and I don't want to hear anything about this again!"
Spock left the bridge without another word, and Uhura sat down at her controls.
***
One week later...
Bones came up to Kirk on the bridge. "Jim, I need to talk to you."
Kirk, who had been dozing, shook himself awake. "Yeah?"
"I'm worried about Spock."
Kirk woke up fully. "Why, what's he been doing?"
Bones shook his head ruefully. "I can't exactly figure it out, he's so damn close-mouthed, but I think he got hold of some drugs."
Kirk's eyes widened. "You mean... he might be thinking of..." he gasped.
"That's exactly what I mean," said Bones, urgency lacing his voice.
"Come on, we've got to do something about this!" Kirk swung out of the chair. "Sulu, you're in the chair," he shot over his shoulder as he followed Bones to the elevator.
A few minutes later, they were lugging the unconscious Spock to the sickbay. Once they were there, they arranged him on a bed.
"Jim," said Bones, "I don't think he's going to make it."
Kirk looked somberly down at the face resting on the pillow. "You sure?"
Bones nodded. "That many of those pills would be considered a lethal overdose for any human. Since he's only half human, I'll have to compute the probability of his survival, but I can't say that it's very good."
Kirk's demeanor changed from buoyant to depressed, and his head dropped as he uttered a few sobs. Bones' face looked even craggier and more haggard than usual. And on the bed, Spock let out one last shuddering breath and was still.
