Remind Me I'm Alive (Bechloe)

Is It Too Late To Say Sorry?

On her way home from work, Cora took a detour to Halliwell Park, which was something she often did when she needed advice or wanted to just get away. She got out of her car and made her way over to the big oak tree that was a staple of her childhood.

"Hey, dad," Cora said, running her fingers over her dad's name that was still carved in the tree next to hers. This wasn't where her dad was buried, but it was where she felt closest to him.

"I just wanted to give you an update." The twenty-one-year-old started to say. "We're finally back in our house. It's strange to be back but in a good way. And now that Jamie is gone, it actually feels like a home. Beca also moved in with us. She and Chloe have basically been inseparable ever since Jamie attacked us. Mom still doesn't know about their relationship, but I think you'd really like her dad. Mom is still planning on getting remarried but has decided with everything Chloe has gone through to push it back six months. She also wants to wait for Aubrey to get back because she is basically our sister. I think you'd love Jesse too."

A smile crept over her face as she thought about him.

"Jesse also basically lives with us too. I mean, he has his own place, but he stays over most nights. He's nothing like me. He is a big goofball that is positive and loves to cuddle, and I never thought I would say this, but I think I'm in love with him, dad. I don't even believe in love, but I don't know how else to describe it. And I look at how Chloe and Beca look at each other, and I want that same thing with him, and it scares me."

Cora took a deep pondering what to say next. The redhead sat at the foot of the tree and looked up at the stars in the sky.

"I need some advice, dad. If you can spare some."

***

Later that night, Cora was cuddled up in her bed with Jesse. Cora was only wearing Jesse's shirt and a pair of underwear, while Jesses was only in his boxers. The two were watching some random indie movie on Netflix that Jesse was really excited about. However, Cora couldn't focus on the film as her mind wandered elsewhere.

"You seem unusually quiet," Jesse said, stroking his girlfriend's back. The younger redhead had been acting strange all night, and he was starting to get worried.

"I've just been thinking," the redhead sighed with her head on his chest.

"About what?" Jesse asked. He could tell by the way his girlfriend was breathing something was wrong.

"I've been thinking about going to see Gladys, the woman from the church," Cora said bluntly, shocking Jesse.

"Do you think that is wise?" Jesse said softly.

"Honestly, I don't know. But I feel like it's something I have to do. I get off probation next week, and I have to at least try and make amends. Or at the very least, tell her I'm sorry before I can move on with my life," Cora said with a sniffle. There were tears in her eyes, and she was trying not to cry.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Jesse asked. Even though they had only officially been together a short time, Jesse had known Cora for years. However, in all that time, he had never heard Cora talk about the incident even once.

"I got fucked up and tried to burn down a church," Cora muttered.

"But why did you do it?" Jesse asked. He knew he was walking on thin ice, but he also knew his girlfriend wasn't going to get anywhere unless she opened up about it.

"I did it because I wanted to feel something all the way through me. And I wanted to be seen, really seen. And because I caught the pastor fucking my mom."

Cora shifted so that she could look at Jesse. He could see a pain in his girlfriend's eyes.

"It was the middle of the night, so I figured no one would get hurt, you know? I didn't even try to run. I just watched it burn until the cops showed up. But as the cops were putting me in the car, I overheard them say there was a cleaning lady still inside. The whole time I was in jail, I was so scared I might have killed her. I don't believe in God, but I prayed the entire time for a miracle. When Chloe bailed me out, she was so ashamed she couldn't even look at me. "