Untouched Love

New Years

December 31st

Today started how it always does. Set alarm for 4 am, leave the house by 5 and get to work at 6 for a stupid 4 hour shift. It's started to get really repetitive. Same old shit.

Today is New Years Eve and I'll be spending it alone this year. But that's alright, I'll probably end up heading to the bar later tonight for a few nights and try tp push myself to actually socialize.

Besides sleeping all day, I just spend my time on worthless dating apps. So you're probably wondering...why am I on them if I think they're stupid? Well. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I'm still trying to find an actual connection with someone. Do you know how hard it is to find a genuine guy on these apps?

They all want one thing. Sex. Now don't get me wrong, women's body's are beautiful, but for gods sake, why is it so hard to find something real.

Oh. Now who's this? Andrew. He's cute...

Let's see what you're all about.

Has a dog? Alright, he's already winning me over. Her name is Paprika. How could this get any better.

And he's a pilot? Impressive and hot...

Alright, I might as well send a "hey".

I know I know..."hey" seems pretty dry, but I kind of became a little careless with my entry texts.

"Hello hello😊" I sent.

I don't really know what I'm looking for right now to be honest. I've had my fair share of toxic relationships. Being told what and what not to wear, where I could and couldn't go, and getting yelled at saying I was asking for it just because a man would look in my general direction. So ya, I don't think I'm ready for anything serious.

But enough of that nonsense...we'll talk more about that later.

Hmm. I wonder if he's seen my text...

*message from Andrew*

"Hey there😊 Alright be honest, did we match just because of my dog?"

Hah. Well I mean, he's not entirely wrong"

"Pshhh noooo...It was your dog AND your smile, I'm gonna be honest." I replied with a smirk on my face.

"Haha, I can live with that"

"Do you think I could give you my number? Hah, I don't mean to be forward, I just always hate texting through these stupid apps" I asked him shyly.

"Ya for sure!"

Not even a minute later I received a text from him.

"Helo hello, this is Andrew"

"Oh long time no see :p"

We started asking the simple questions off the bat, simple things, the kinda questions you ask someone when you're getting to know them. Where are you from, what're your hobbies, etc. He then asked me why I was on this app.

I know It's probably what everyone says, but I'm honestly not sure yet. I'm recently single, so I'm really just looking to meet some cool people to hangout with and have conversations with, so that's' exactly what I told him.

Whether all that was true or not, I didn't want to seem too forward saying I was trying to find someone I could see myself with, because to be honest, I don't even know if that's what I want...I want to fall in love again. I miss that feeling. I miss the butterflies you get when you think about that special someone. I miss home becoming a person instead of a place...but I don't miss the nights that I'd cry myself to sleep feeling so worthless after being yelled at that I never did anything right. So I know one day I'll find that someone, but for now, I won't be going out of my way looking.

"Oh ok, fair enough! I'm kind of in the same boat actually. Just out of a long term relationship so just looking to meet people" He responds.

Well now I know not to get too attached at least.

Well it's already 10 pm, I guess I better head down to the bar...

God it's absolutely packed in here..I mean why am I surprised I guess, tonight's the night where everyone will count down together and make all those New Years resolutions that they'll drop in a week and continue on with their lives as if nothing happened, then just keep repeating this every year.

All these people and honestly all I wanna do is text Andrew...so that's exactly what I did, for hours, making me forget that there was even other people in the bar.

I'm 4 drinks in now and I can start to feel the buzz hit.