Untouched Love

29

I was feeling good, I was feeling better about us...but we all know that's just the fresh serotonin that fills through your body when you see them. When I went back into my room I was alone again. Physically and mentally. I tried pushing all the thoughts to the back of my head, but you can only do that for so long until you explode. I spent my night reading through our old texts...I think it's a good thing that we never ended up taking photos together, because I know looking back at them would cause an unbearable type of pain.

I woke up at 8 am, because my brain got wired to do that knowing that's when he usually sent me a good morning text. I just wish I knew when I'd see him again...I don't want to have to wait weeks, but I also know I have to give him space, because I think that's part of the reason as to why he ran away.

It's been 3 days since I saw him, and I know this sounds pathetic of me, but I don't think I can last longer than this to see him again.

We'd text on and off throughout the day. I didn't want to be the first one to ask him to hangout after everything happened, but I really couldn't help it this time.

"So hey, I was thinking maybe you could come over after work tonight?"

"Hmmm, maybe not tonight, but how about tomorrow? I get off early."

"Oh ok, yes that works!"

Every bit of me wanted to ask why he didn't want to come over tonight, but it wasn't my business or place to ask anymore.

The day he came over was even more confusing. He acted as if nothing had happened between us. As if we never broke up. He held me, kissed me, laughed for hours at my stupid jokes and when there was nothing more to say, he would hold my hand softly, rubbing his thumb across my hand.

I missed going to his house. I missed his family, Paprika and being able to fall asleep in his bed. I knew why I hadn't been asked to come over though, everything would just be awkward with his family knowing about us.

The next couple of days I would wait till he made the first move to hang out, but at the same time I hated how I was still fully obsessed with him. I relied on him for my moods during the day, my emotions and would make sure my schedule was free by the off chance he'd want to come over.

Then one night.

"Hey, what're you up to?" He asked me

"Oh just writing and thinking what to snack on since I skipped out on dinner."

"You crazy lady, it's 10pm!"

"Ok ok I know I knowww, I just wasn't really hungry tonight."

"You should come stay the night:)" He said.

My heart started racing. This was the last thing I expected from him. Before I could respond he sent another text.

"You don't have to if you don't want to, but I'd love to see you."

I hated how incredibly happy that made me. I hated the smile that stretched across my face. I hated the instant butterflies that appeared in my stomach...because after all, he wasn't mine to have, but that didn't make me any less weak.

"Really, you actually want me to come over? Sure! I'll head over in 20."

"Yay! I'm excited now:)"

I jumped out of bed and packed my night bag.

I had to warm up the car first because it was really cold out.

I stepped out of my apartment and felt the cold crisp air bite at my face, leaving me almost breathless as it chilled through my whole body.

A quick 20 minute drive later and I was there. I got a little anxious pulling up...this was my first time being at his house since the breakup. Nonetheless, I was still excited.

He opened the door. "Hello!" He said excitingly.

Paprika greeted me immediately, jumping on me and barking. I missed her.

I took my boots off and we sat on the couch for a movie.

I sat on the end of the couch but he pulled me close within seconds, kissing my cheek and squeezing me tight. I smiled and looked up and him...he looked deep into my eyes, like how he used to when we were in love. What could possibly be going through his head...

We cuddled for a few hours, sharing laughs and talking about what we've been up to over the week.

"Unfortunately I do have to work in the morning..." He said in a sad tone.

"Oh that's okay."

"I know we won't get a long time together but...I just really wanted to see you."

"Well, I'm glad you invited me."