Untouched Love

36

This was also the first time after hanging out with him that I didn't immediately text him once I got home. I actually didn't even have an urge to. I felt content that we just hung out and I didn't need that attention right away. It made me happy feeling this way because it meant that I was getting better. The pain didn't hurt as bad now.

March 8th

Today me and Andrew texted throughout the entire day, which doesn't happen often so I was grateful for it.

He told me all about his day and I shared everything about mine. We talked until 2 am, not that the conversation ended there, but I started to pass out. Right as my eyes were shutting, I felt my phone buzz.

"Julie!!"

Interesting...didn't really know what this text meant, but I decided to just go with it.

"Andrew!"

"I just got into bed...and I really wish I was cuddling you right now."

"I wish that too."

"You should.."

"Wait actually? It's almost 3 am, you want me to come over?"

"Please."

You better believe that no matter how tired I was, I would still leave in seconds when he wanted to see me...which is also another thing I have to work on, but...baby steps.

I jumped out of bed and got to his house at 3:30.

"I'm here, let me in you crazy person, It's freezing." I didn't like knocking when it was this late because I didn't want to wake everyone up.

He opened the door and I ran in from the cold.

I jumped to the couch and slid under the fuzzy blanket that laid there.

"You good?" He asked in a slightly judgmental tone.

"Bitch I'm freezing...now get under the blankets with me"

He came over and wrapped me up in all of his warmth.

He looked down at me. "I'm so glad you came...I do unfortunately work in the morning, but I just had to see you." He said followed by a kiss on the forehead.

"That's ok. I'm glad I came too..."

He leaned in and we shared the softest kiss I have ever received. It was so perfect in that moment.

We didn't really get to do much tonight as he had to be up early, so we went straight downstairs and cuddled in bed. He played with my hair until I fell asleep.

It was like a schedule at this point, waking up at 8, taking a shower and we'd both leave our separate ways.

With me not having a job yet, my days consisted of eating and writing. I swear I just lived in my bed at this point, I barely ever left my room.

The next morning I actually woke up to a text from Andrew's sister, asking if I wanted to go to the bar with her and some friends this coming Friday. I was excited because not only do I like his sister, but this meant that I would be drinking so I would have to stay over at their house...yes, technically I could take a cab, but they are so expensive and I knew Andrew wouldn't mind.

"Hey you! So, your sister invited me out on Friday and we'll be drinking so I was wondering if it'd be okay that I stayed over?" I sent him.

"Oh I wouldn't mind at all:)"

Yay!

March 12th

Today couldn't have come soon enough. I am the most impatient person there is, so even waiting 48 hours for something feels like tortue.

I texted his sister, asking what the plan was for today and what time I should come over.

Then she texted back...

"Hey girl! I was just about to text you...unfortunately the plans were too last minute and my friends can't make it:( but I promise we'll plan something fun soon!"

Dammit.

I was hoping to still hang out with Andrew, but wasn't sure if that would still happen with the changed plans.

"Hey! Sooo...slight change of plans. Tonight got cancelled, but I was wondering if you'd still wanna hang out?"

"I work until 8 tonight and open early tomorrow morningt so we wouldn't really be able to do anything fun, but you can still come over."

Maybe this is just me overthinking, but he didn't sound very excited to see me. Or maybe this is me being clingy and he only responded that way because we just saw each other the other day.

"Okay, no worries, I can leave by the morning!"

Now to wait...

I must say, I don't think some people understand how anxiety can ruin your life sometimes. Any normal person could go on with their day, living life in the moment. That's what I want...I want to live in the moment. Instead I am constantly worrying about things I said in the past. Should have I said that? What would've happened if I said this instead? Am I being annoying? Are they losing interest in me? Are they not replying because they're with someone else? These are only a few things that run through my mind every single day...and it's fucking exhasting.

That's only the beginning of course. Then there's the future thoughts. Constantly worrying that they'll leave, or what if they start viewing you differently in 2 months, what if down the road they realise that you're too much or ask too much of them. I would kill to be a "live in the moment" kind of person. Don't get me wrong, I have gotten so much better in the past few months, but this is still a long road that I have to travel.

8 o'clock finally came around and I started getting ready. I know, we aren't going anywhere tonight and it will just be me and him, but like I've said, I like to pretty myself up for him.

I listened to music while I got ready, dancing in front of the bathroom mirror and trying to apply my eyeliner at the same time.

After 30 minutes, I grabbed my keys and headed out.

He once again greeted me with a hug when I arrived.

I bet you could guess what we did once I arrived. Yep. Sat on the couch and cuddled. In his defense he did have to get up early so there's only so much we could've done.

After only an hour, we headed downstairs to get ready for bed.

We were laying across from each other, our eyes lost in each owns, like all our feelings were laid out in silent stares. Sometimes it's in these moments that I feel the most. You get lost in that moment when you're staring into your loved ones eyes. Thinking of him, of us...if we'll ever actually be "us" again. I've never felt such a mix of love and fear. I don't know what the