Untouched Love

27

I lived in an apartment with a gate that could only be opened from a key that all tenants had.

"Here." He texted.

At this point my heart felt like it was going to explode, filled with every emotion possible. I was angry at him because he broke up with me, I wanted to cry because thinking that I'll never have him like that again made me incredibly sad and yet I was still happy because when I see him all the thoughts evaporate from my mind and it's just me and him.

The elevator doors opened and there he was. My Andrew...

I couldn't explain to you how awkward the elevator up to my apartment was. Neither of us knew what to say so we stood in silence, avoiding eye contact.

Finally, we got to the sixth floor. I stepped out and led him inside to my room.

"I guess this is your first time being at my place, so, welcome to my humble abode!" I said in a happy tone, trying to lighten the mood and not let him see the damage he caused me.

"Haha, it's very cute! I like it."

He sat on my bed and I sat across from him. Neither of us knew where to start so it was awkward silence once again.

"You don't have to explain yourself more. I know exactly how you're feeling." I started.

"I..I just really wanted to make it clear that it wasn't because I stopped liking you, it was just being in a relationship. I thought I was ready because I like you so much but after trying with you, I realized that I'm still not ready and need more time." He stated.

I laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling. "I know. I get that, I really do." I said with a quivering voice, trying so damn hard not to let a single tear escape. I didn't want him to know how bad I was hurting.

"So. What does this mean then? Are we never going to see each other again? Never text again?" I asked shyly.

"That's the thing. I don't want to stop. It sounds so selfish of me and I didn't think you'd want to, but I love seeing your name pop up on my phone. I love spending time with you and I don't want to stop that."

"Ok...well I don't know why, but I don't want to stop seeing you. You aren't ready for a relationship and honestly, I probably wasn't either. We rushed into this Andrew. We had such a good thing going and we went too far too fast, so let's take a step back."

"Are you sure you're okay with that?" He asked, looking confused as to why on earth I still wanted him in my life, and to be honest, I knew it was because I was still in love with him and my heart was too big and forgiving.

"I'm okay with taking a step back. I think the reason why I've been so sad is not because you broke up with me, but because I thought I was going to lose you forever, but if that's not the case then I'm okay with doing whatever this is as long as I can still see you."

"See, and that's why I didn't want to say "take a step back" versus just ending it. Because I worried that made it sound like maybe I'd be ready in a week or so and we'd try again, but I don't know what I want right now and I don't want it to feel like you're just waiting around for me. I can't give you an estimated time on when I'll be ready because frankly I don't know myself." He said.

"Haha, I know. I'm not asking you to give me a time and date for when you'll be ready. Only time will tell with things like this, you don't know when you'll be ready, it could be 2 months, 7 months, or maybe a year. You won't know you're ready until you know. You'll just feel it." I said lightly. "I do have one question though..."

"Go for it."

"I shouldn't even be asking this, and it may hurt me asking, but...like we were saying before, you may not know when you're going to be ready and that is more than okay, and you don't even have to answer this as you may not even know the answer. Do you...possibly see us in the future getting back toge-"

"Yes." He interrupted, before I could even finish.

"Really? Honestly?" I asked, trying not to sound so desperate.

"Yes, really." He said, looking over at me with a grin. That's the first he's smiled at me tonight. I missed it.

"Okay.." I said, trying to hide a smile.

I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. Yes, we weren't together anymore, but a small part of me had that sliver of hope for the future.

I looked over at him and just admired his existence. I watched his eyes trail down to my lips...

Was he actually going to kiss me? I thought he didn't want to do those things with me anymore...or did he only mean friends with benefits?

"So I uh...am in a bit of a predicament here." He said with a smirk.

"And what might that be?"

"I want to kiss you so bad right now..." He said with a glint in his eyes.

"Oh...oh I see. May I ask first...when you said you still wanted to see me, did you mean you wanted to be friends with benefits?"