Untouched Love

28

"What, no no. Yes I love kissing you and touching you, but that's not the only thing I want from you. I love just spending time with you. If you want, we don't even have to sleep together, I really don't want you to feel like I'm using you because I promise that is not the case."

"Well if I'm being honest...I don't know how long I can go without touching you. I don't want to be the person that caves at your every touch, but I may not be able to help it sometimes..."

We looked at each other, the room growing silent within a matter of seconds.

"Julie...may I kiss you..." He said in such a soft tone.

My eyes said the words that my mouth couldn't, as I leaned in and let his lips touch mine.

What started as a kiss turned into a passionate moment in seconds. He reached his hand behind my neck and grabbed my hair hard. I gasped, not expecting him to be so...aggressive. He grabbed me by the waist and flipped me onto my back, kissing down my neck while also gently biting.

He slid between my legs and bit my lip as he entered me. I gasped loudly right before he covered my mouth with his hand, telling me without words that I had to keep quiet for him. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as he went harder.

"You feel so fucking good." He panted in my ear.

It was getting hard to keep quiet at this point. My warm breath filled the palm of his hand as he tried to contain my moans, but his hand started to slip...his body was growing weaker, I could tell he was getting close. Then suddenly...he stops.

"I'm not done with you yet. I need to keep fucking you." He said sternly.

He flipped me on top of him while he sat up, holding me as close as he possibly could. We looked into each other's eyes, so much emotion and passion just pouring out from one single look. The silence was broken between us as he pulled my hair back as hard as he ever had before, causing me to wince. He laid back as I sat there, looking down at him, moving in the slightest to tease him. He looked up at me, his eyes begged for more.

"I want to make you feel good." I whispered in his ear before gently kissing his neck, followed by slow hip movements.

"Yeah...just like that Julie...I'm getting close." His breath grew heavier, sweat dripping down his face and his grip loosened as his body started to lose full control.

"I'm close too..." I whimpered.

He scratched down my back and I pulled his hair as we shared the pleasure together.

I fell down beside him, trying to catch my breath. We laid there in silence for a moment, fully indulged in each other.

Well this just made things complicated...

I rolled my head onto his chest and wrapped my arm around his body. I missed this. The closeness.

He ran his fingers through my tangled hair, making me fall asleep almost instantly. Everything about that was so perfect, yet scary at the same time. Because now, there's a chance that my skin won't be the only that wanders his. He is not mine to keep anymore. He may have been mine tonight, but while I have sleepless nights he'll be someone else's. Someone else will feel his touch, his lips, have him wander their body for the first time...

Just the thought alone makes me sick to my stomach. I want all of him for myself and I don't care how selfish that sounds...but I know I can't have that right now.

I know I shouldn't be assuming that he's going to move on so quickly, but I can't help these thoughts as they are my worst fear. Will we get back together soon? Months from now? Will he have others in his bed between this time? Only time will tell...

If he really loved me then he wouldn't sleep with anyone else...right? Well...if he really loved me then he wouldn't have ripped my heart out...so, I simply don't know what to believe anymore and that's a terrifying thought.

After 2 hours we both woke up. We didn't mean to sleep for that long but we really wore each other out. He kissed my forehead and I almost cried, not knowing why I agreed to still see him as I knew it was going to break me...but call me hopeless romantic for having every hope left in me that we would end up back together.

"It's getting late, I should probably head back home." He said.

"Ya...you probably should. Before you do though, can I ask you a stupid question?"

"I doubt it will be stupid, go for it."

"Um...are you...going to go back on dating apps?" I asked nervously, not wanting to know the answer.

"Hmm. I hadn't even thought about that honestly. Probably not, I mean, I don't really want to. Are you going to?"

"No." I answered almost too quickly.

I guess that makes me feel a bit better.

We both got up and I gave him the longest hug goodbye, because this time I truly didn't know when I'd see him again.