Untouched Love

12

"Sure." I murmured.

I climbed into his bed and laid down on the far side so we weren't even touching, but then he rolled around and pulled me into him. My heart started racing, I didn't know what to do or how to react. My mind was telling me to push him off and just leave his house because even though I was on a break with Peter, we had both agreed that we were still technically together.

Even after all those thoughts my heart was telling me to stay in bed and enjoy Bens company.

Ben flipped me over so we were facing each other. "You know I'm not emotionally available right? Well I think we can make this work." He said before pulling me in and kissing me, and no matter how loud my mind was, telling me to stop, I didn't.

I'm not going to give any detail of what happened that night, but I'm sure you can guess.

I remember not sleeping that night. I laid awake staring at the ceiling, feeling the most guilty I had ever been. For as long as I can remember I have been so against cheating, and although others may say it doesn't count because I was on a "break" I didn't see it that way at all.

I texted Peter that morning, telling him everything that happened. I know that he deserved at least a phone call since I wasn't able to see him in person because I was getting ready for work, but I couldn't pick up his calls. I was terrified, I completely broke his trust and did the one thing that I was so against.

After my shift we had a 2 hour long phone call, explaining everything and telling him that I just couldn't do this anymore. He told me that regardless of what happened or all that we were going through that he still wanted to work things out with me, and that's really what gave me my answer.

He was willing to stay with me even though I slept with another man, and that proved that he really truly loved me and would have done everything to keep me...and I wouldn't. Because I just didn't love him anymore.

I'm telling you this story to show that I fucked up in my relationships too, and that they weren't all the bad guys.

I think another reason why I let all that happen is because I never actually enjoyed being single. I was 21 and hadn't been single since I was 16. I'm not saying I wanted to experience sleeping around, but I never got to go out, go to parties, have guy friends, or have drunken nights because I was constantly controlled in all my past relationships. So maybe that was me acting out, I really don't know what was going through my head at that time. All I knew is that I wanted a way out.

So now you know a little bit of why I think the way that I do in relationships and why I really think mentally that it would be healthy for me to stay single for awhile so I can work on myself.

And then I met Andrew and everything changed...

I don't know what it is about him, and I don't know why it feels so different this time around.

I know I tend to fall for people really fast but this was like all at once and so much more yet so different at the same time. Yes, I know that sounds super confusing but that's only because I can't even figure it out myself.

When I see his name pop up on my phone I smile like I never have before, when he says something funny I get that belly ache from laughing too hard and I never want to be out of that moment where we're just smiling and being idiots together.

Speaking of Andrew, let's get back to our story...

We had finished and paid for our sushi then headed back to my hotel room to relax a little bit before he had to head out.

We turned on the tv and put it to some random movie that was playing. I, as usual, wasn't even paying attention to the tv at all because I'd rather stare at him for hours on end and I would never get tired of it.

He would lay there watching the movie, playing with my hair and rubbing my arm, almost putting me to sleep because it was that relaxing. Everytime my eyes grew heavy and I would start to detach from reality I would hear him giggle and open my eyes only to see him staring at me with a smile spread across his face as he'd start to watch me as I drifted off because I looked so peaceful.

His phone kept blowing up with notifications while it laid on the night stand. Sure...part of me definitely was curious of who it was, but I was trying to break my habits of thinking those things so I just kept my mouth shut. After a few minutes he grabbed his phone to check it and I saw him smile while typing a reply...

No. that doesn't mean it's a girl. Stop thinking that.

He put his phone back where it laid. "Sorry about that, it was just my buddies, they were wondering if I wanted to game with them tonight." He said.

I smiled and said okay. I honestly wasn't even going to ask him about it because I didn't want to scare him off with all these questions so early on, so I was actually really glad he was the one to bring it up.

I moved higher up on his chest so I could feel his heartbeat run through my skin.