Untouched Love

30

He softly kissed me on the nose. "You are just so beautiful." The words escaped his lips quietly.

"Thank you..." I enjoyed hearing compliments from him still, they just felt different to receive them now.

Before too long it was already 1 am which meant he had to head to bed. "Come on, let's head downstairs."

We curled up under the blankets and enjoyed each other's warm embrace. He was behind me, arms wrapped around my waist and face nuzzled into my neck. Minutes later we had both passed out.

His alarm went off at 8 am sharp. "Ugh, no, 10 more minutes. I want to hold you for a little longer." He groaned. Wrapping back around me, we slept for a little longer.

When he finally had to get up, he grabbed his towel and headed for a quick shower. I stayed in bed to enjoy every last bit of warmth.

He came in shortly after. "Are you hungry?" He asked.

"Yea? But I thought you had to head straight to work?" I said confused.

"I still have a little bit of time. I'm craving bagels! Come on, hurry up and get dressed and we'll quickly head to the grocery store."

It was at this moment I had regretted coming in shorts last night...I was for sure going to freeze as it was -12 out.

We ran to the car, trying to escape the cold, but that winter rush of air blew right through me.

After a quick trip to the store, we drove back and brought the groceries inside. I got the toaster out for the bagels and Andrew started to cook the bacon. We got this delicious pack of maple smoked bacon, it was going to pair perfectly with our breakfast.

We only had 15 minutes to scarf down our food as he had an opening shift at work.

After we finished, I grabbed my things and started walking to the door. He gave me a hug goodbye but no kiss...I'm still trying to figure out what is and isn't okay with this "thing" we're in.

Sleeping together is fine but kissing throughout the day I guess isn't...I get that in the sense of people who are friends with benefits wouldn't just kiss because only couples do that. It would be more casual. What doesn't make sense is that we're more than friends with benefits but less than a couple. We're dating without the label.

We hang out, make plans to go places together, sleep together, cuddle, watch movies, etc.

If I'm being honest, I miss how things used to be before we dated. Everything was simpler. We were happy, acting so perfect together, feeling like we were dating but weren't. Something about putting the label on us just made everything...complicated.

I noticed while being in a relationship with Andrew that I started getting back into old toxic habits from my past. I would text too much and if they were just busy I'd get upset, or if he was gaming with his friends and it felt like he forgot about me, instead of distracting myself to keep busy I would just wait around, staring at my phone.

I started doing the one thing I told myself I wanted to fix. I became clingy and relied all my feelings on Andrew. If he didn't text me for hours I would be sad and almost angry throughout the whole day until I heard from him. I would literally spend 5 days with him at his house and feel hurt that 2 days later he'd want his personal space.

It took the breakup for me to realise how I was acting. It wasn't until everything was all said and done and I read through our old messages to see how much I hated myself and who I became as soon as we slapped a label on us. I'm not saying that this was all one sided and that he was mr perfect, but no matter how much he denied it, I truly do think I scared him away a little bit.

He told me that no matter how I could have acted, it all came down to him simply not being ready for a relationship. Maybe this was a good thing...

Yes, I miss him like you couldn't imagine, and I know we're still "seeing" each other, but it's not the same when I can't call him mine.

Maybe breaking up was a good thing, though. We both very recently got out of long relationships and I think we both need a bit of time to find ourselves and come to find what we really want. I don't want to just wait around for him, but I care about him so much that I would.

Why do I still care after he broke up with me? Well, because I can see his point of view. When I broke up with my ex, I thought I was ready to date when meeting Andrew, but in reality I needed to find myself again and work on all of my toxic traits that brought me down. I wanted to change for the better for myself.

Every relationship I've been in, I have always rushed into them...but I have learned my lesson after Andrew. Good things come to those who wait. Maybe we'll never end up together in the future...god forbid, but I do need to think about that possibility. Call me a hopeless romantic but I do truly believe there is a future for us. I've never connected with someone on this kind of level before. It was an instant spark when our eyes locked, and I knew the feeling was mutual.

The way he held me, the way that he would make me laugh just to see me smile because he said it was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen...and the way he looked at me. I know I've said this countless of times, but I will never get over it. I have never in my life had anyone look at me like that. He made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the room when I