Untouched Love

26

"No no that's alright, I'm sorry for being so clingy."

"No nothing to be sorry about! You did nothing wrong, it's okay:)"

But something still felt off...

"Hey this is probably a stupid question but...are we okay?" I asked nervously, throwing my phone on the bed, scared to know the answer even though deep down I knew it was probably okay.

"Uhh, honestly I don't know..."

No. no no no this can't be happening this can't be real.

"What. Call me, please."

*Phone rings*

I tried so hard to hold back my tears as I picked up that call.

"Hi..." I said as I picked up.

"Hello!"

Why does he not sound sad?

"Can you please explain what you meant." I said sternly.

"I uh..i don't know I just..." He stumbled, struggling to say a full sentence even though I knew he had a mouthful to say.

"Please. Just spit it out. Be honest with me, I don't care if it hurts me." At this point I can feel the warm tears roll down my cold face.

"We've just been spending a lot of time together recently and please don't get me wrong, I absolutely love spending time with you! At the same time though, I also enjoy my personal space and I feel like we're moving really fast and I don't think I can do that..."

"Ok ok I promise I'll stop asking to hang out so much, I'll stop being so clingy when I text you, I promise."

"no that's not it, I don't want you to change yourself, that's not it..."

I've never been so on edge in my life with this conversation not going anywhere.

"Then what is it, Andrew. I need you to be honest with me. Do you want to break up with me?"

I could physically feel my heart hurt as silence filled the phone speakers.

"It's not that I don't love you anymore Julie, I just can't do...this...I feel like I can't give you what you want right now." He said sternly, feeling the mood in the room change.

I tried so hard to be strong, I really did. I know we were only together for 1 month, but it felt like forever.

"Please...please don't do this Andrew, I can't do this without you, please I'll do anything."

"I'm sorry Julie...I can't."

I don't think I've ever cried that hard before. To be able to really feel my heart ache. I trusted him, I trusted him when days ago he went off about how I was enough for him. I trusted him when I specifically told him that I was afraid he would leave me and he held my hand and told with lying eyes that he wouldn't.

We agreed to meet up in person tomorrow to talk more about it. I don't think I'll sleep tonight. The second I hung up that phone I buried my face in my pillow and cried till there was no more tears to be shed.

That night I had a dream that we were still together and living our happiest lives. I can't explain the pain from waking up after that dream. I felt every emotion yet felt completely emotionless all at once. I laid in bed for 3 hours, staring at the ceiling, my face was sore and puffy from the night before. After everything that happened, I was still excited to see him tonight.

I had to wait until 8 to see him, that's when he got off work.

You don't realize how much of a habit you've fallen into with texting someone everyday until you wake up one morning and don't see their name on your phone anymore, and it feels like a hole in your chest.

I didn't want to do anything but wait around for him to come. I barely ate anything...I had no appetite for the whole day.

It was now 7:50 and my heart started to race. I was excited yet terrified to see Andrew. Seeing him and knowing that I won't be able to hug or kiss him. Fuck, his hugs...the most comforted I ever felt.

It was 8, then 8:15, and suddenly 8:20. He usually got off 10 minutes before so I was getting worried maybe he forgot. Who am I kidding, he wouldn't forget something like this.

8:25

"Just got off." He sounded so cold.

"Ok! Let me know when you get here and I'll come down and open the gate for you." I said.