Drawbacks of a mind that remembers

Tsuna - I'll be there when you're ready

Tsuna was chasing his guardians for their weekly reports for the nth time of the day when suddenly, his phone rang. 

"Hello?"

"Hey, Tsu-chan," a vaguely familiar female's voice broke through. Frowning, he pulled the phone away from his ear to look at the caller ID, then was baffled when he saw that it was from his aunt's place. 

"Yukiko-san?" He tried. He knew about his aunt being a masterful disguise artist. She is also famous for being able to change her voice to suit her roles. The voice playfully buzzed him wrong. 

"Bubu! Try again! I can't believe it, we've met before but you don't remember me?" There was a lilt at the end of the sentence as if deliberately placed to jog his memory.

Tsuna thought hard. He remembered his memories from when he first met his grown-up cousin, then what happened after. A certain memory popped up like a sore thumb. 

A lady in heels striding down the train, "her" hips swaying as she sashayed down the corridor. That very voice trapped him and Reborn to their seats.

Then, the reveal.

"WHAT THE HECK, KUROBA-SAN!"

Tsuna could hear the other cackle and then fall off his chair, though it did not diminish the high-pitched laugh.

"YOU COULD HAVE CALLED USING YOUR OWN VOICE! WHY–"

"It's for old times' sake, you know?" The magician laughed. "I can imagine your face right now. If I have a latex mask, I could so pull off your face!" Kaito replied after his laughing fit came down.

Altair was not this playful before, but time can change people. He simply got more eccentric as time went by. Perhaps being reincarnated over and over again had caused him to lose a few screws to cope with the endless cycle. Hopefully, Tsuna thought sombrely, after this life, he will no longer be chained to his curse. The sky boss coughed into his fist.

"So why have you called?"

There was a moment of silence. "Aku asks for your presence in the Kudo Mansion."

~~

Conan was a boy with a lot of pride for a child. His thought process was on par with the adults, and he always noticed the smallest details that could change the tide.

Shinichi is a man who was humbled by his experiences. He used to be haughty, proud, and insufferable (according to Ran), but now, he refused to take credit for all he had done as if he was hiding. However, his moral compass is always set straight, and he knew his priorities.

Aku was a man who thought he only had his brother, then he found a family in the group he was tasked to bring down. He thought he was meant to be a shadow, a killing machine of the Sera's. He thought escaping alone was a cowardly act.

That idea did not change even after death. And Shinichi knows that very well.

Shinichi does not view escape as a cowardly act. He views it as a moment to step back and reconvene with a plan for the next takedown.

He felt conflicted when he had this new feeling when his memories came back. What should he be now?

Aku, Shinichi, Or Conan?

Sitting in front of his cousin gave him no clear directions either. His hair was now blond, unlike the first time they met. His eyes were the colour of lava, passionately ablaze as he stared at him with anticipation.

Shinichi could tell that Tsuna–No, Giotto(?) was waiting for him to begin.

Yet, he did not know where to begin either. He decided just a few days ago that he would face this problem head-on. He had Kuroba Kaito call Tsuna, and he used Aku's name. However, he did not know where to place his foot at.

Where does he begin?

Tsuna could sense Conan's hesitation. Perhaps they were too tense now, he thought. He was also aware that lighting his flames now would set everything off.

So he smiled. He could only smile and wait for the other to begin.

Conan looked at his cousin and sighed. "This is awkward."

"I know."

The silence began to lengthen as neither was willing to begin. Tsuna then decided to be the one to share his experience. That was probably what Conan was waiting for, right? He inhaled slowly as he arranged his thoughts, then slowly explained how his life was overturned when Reborn came to live with him.

"Like you, I was not involved in the Mafia in the beginning. My memories came in the form of dreams, but I didn't know back then. It all came crashing when Reborn came to my house and said he would train me to become the next Vongola head. All of the Ninth's descendants had died, and I was related to the first. While I still fear him, there were moments when I use my identity as the first head to get him to do things for me. Nothing petty, of course. Reborn is an excellent advisor in this time and age.

However, only after he showed me pictures did I start recalling my past life's memories in the form of dreams. Then I started seeing my friends' past lives as well. Eventually, even those Giotto did not want were revived too. My, Tsuna's personality is pretty similar to Giotto's, but as a child of the modern era, some of his thoughts were also foreign to me." Tsuna paused to gauge Conan's attentiveness. The boy was sitting so still with his arm leaning against his propped-up leg, he was like a thinking statue. 

Taking it as a sign to continue, Tsuna resumed. "Giotto thought vigilantism was fine, as long as it hurts no one and it helps those that needed them. Yes, helping one another should be the basics, but vigilantism is potentially dangerous and not rewarded. You would agree that being a vigilante is not worth it most of the time."

Conan nodded his head. Neighbourhood heroes are fine, but to serve the criminals his own brand of justice? The thought made him shudder. People should be punished by the law.

"One of the most conflicting ideas that I had trouble with is his views about killing. Giotto is known to be one of the most–if not the most benevolent of all Vongola predecessors. However, that doesn't mean he's a saint. He lived in the times when 'kill or be killed' was literal. In his opinion, it was okay to kill another if it means to survive, but as Tsuna? I disagree. I know I'm selfish and naive, and I think the only life I took so far was a future megalomaniac, who is now a very good friend of mine."

Tsuna was shot a quizzical look from the detective, but he laughed and shrugged. It was a long story he had no time to explain.

"Now, I understand why Giotto had such ideologies. He wanted to create a safe country so that orphans like him, G and Cozart will never need to fear for their lives, thinking about whether they would have food the next day or a proper shelter over their heads. I remember back after we built the mansion, we also had this building for those who seek shelter and/or need food. However, now we live in a much better society–no civil wars. Everyone has access to food, and can easily find shelter, even if they can be shabby(1). Giotto–as in I–no longer need that thought anymore.

"I live my life as Tsuna, with the knowledge that I'm also Giotto of the Vongola. My old memories can influence my thought process, but they should not make me, me. I bet that's what you wanted to hear from me, no?"

Conan gave him a sheepish smile. "Thank you, Tsunayoshi-kun."

"Call me Tsuna! Even Tsuna-kun is fine!" The brunet huffed.

(1) I'm not saying that no one's homeless now. I'm sure there's a population in Japan without proper roofs over their heads, though I've read that Japan does have organisations that are actively doing what they can to alleviate the problem.