Drawbacks of a mind that remembers

Shinichi-Climbing back up is never easy

... You'll always crash down again.

Lately, Shinichi has caught himself thinking with his Aku-mind. Then when he thought that that idea was too outdated, he would try to rethink it with his modern mind, only to realise he was considering Aku's idea again.

If he could pitch himself into the sun and melt in the fiery flames of the star, he would. Alas, gravity pulled him back down.

If he never recovered his previous life's memories, he would never find himself in such a simple, yet complicated situation. He might as well be a patient with split personalities.

Shinichi groaned against his pillow for the umpteenth time of the day. He called in sick today again, as he would not be able to perform as per normal in school until he managed to sort things out mentally. He tried to go to school as usual, but it was so taxing that his friends decided he was mental.

(He is, even without Aku's memories.)

"Shin-chan, come have your food!" He heard his mother call.

Right, he moved back to the Kudo Mansion. It took little to no effort to convince the Mouri's to let his mother "bring him home for a little", quoting family bonding and all.

The truth is, Kaito told his father that it will be best if he stopped going to school for now. He was no longer juggling just two identities. Anything beyond that will probably strip him of whatever remaining sanity he has.

Shinichi was not sure whether to accept or arrest the dude. Kaito is an international criminal, yet is also his brother(?) And he has helped him a lot these days-No, a criminal is a criminal. He must put him in jail one day, just... not now. Shinichi needs him.

(He found that thought gross after thinking about it again. Never had he expected he would need to rely on a criminal for his mental stability.)

With a bit (a lot) of makeup and disguises, Conan returned to the Kudo Mansion. Initially, he tried to attend school as much as he could. He joined the children to go to school, and always passed by Cafe Poirot to say hi to Amuro-nii-san and Azusa-nee-san. If he saw the Mouri's, he would greet them too, and Ran would hug him and tell him she missed him.

However, even though they were simple things he usually did in the past, his thoughts were now a mess and his actions became jarring. He would hesitate to return Ran's hugs, or keep up the childish act he needed at school. He could not answer anyone when they asked what was wrong, and he quickly switched topics and fled from the conversation. Kaito was right, he could barely handle all three identities.

He recalled the uncomfortable look in Ran's eyes when he did not respond as per normal. He remembered the way Yuriko did the same when Aku refused her affection.

Everything was confusing.

They say the path to healing was a slow slope up, but he thinks the path is steep and adorned with thorns.

At every move he tried to step forward, his past would trip him, and he would fall into the same trap he had set up for himself. He was very aware of the problem, yet he could do nothing. His family was also not very helpful here. They were all trying, but Shinichi knew that he had to be the one to cut off the thorns.

His finger was tapping on his phone screen repeatedly, as he hesitated to call the only other person he was familiar and comfortable with. Tsuna's name did cross his mind, but now that Shinichi knew of his entire job scope, he was the last one he wanted to contact.

(Tsuna is running a legal conglomerate, and the leader of the underground too. His paperwork to balance both ends was sky high, and Shinichi remembered how he complained of his work before.)

Finally, he worked up the courage and clicked on the call button.

"Hn, you finally called."