ꗃ﹕❜ Minerva ❯❯ A review shop [2.0]

×. ❜Not on the books [Rev. Lals]

Book Name: Not on the Books

Author:  -Yoonshooky

Reviewer: Chaotic_Lals

Cover: 02/05
Even though at first look, the cover was not bad, it had errors of its own. The face claim was too dark. I get that you wanted to add on the vibes the cover gave off, but it was too dark. The title could’ve been a tad bit bolder & larger in size. As for the handle, the term ‘story’ is a bit out place. Either put in just your name or username or use more technical terms like ‘novel’ or ‘a yoonshooky FF’. You know what I mean right? As for the subtitle beside the face claim, it could’ve presented in a way it’s legible.

Title: 02/05
I don’t think it fits the book. The one shot is more about the trials than about Jungkook killing him. No, I mean, literally. The killing part was explained in less than 10 sentences. It wasn’t the whole point of the one shot—at least the way it was written, didn’t make it seem like it was the point. If the killing part is the highlight of the one shot, it has to be detailed & conveyed with different elements like building up of emotions—none of it was there.

Synopsis: 05/10
The synopsis lacked a lot in terms of essence. So Jungkook makes use of the fact that no evidence means no crime. What about it? The first 3 lines of the synopsis was basically the same thing conveyed in different ways. And the last line was about Jungkook making use of it. There was no other body to it. Maybe give some insight into the book that will actually draw in readers.
That’s one. Two, I really think you need to add in something that actually talks about the book. The synopsis is basically a single scene in the one shot. A single scene that wasn’t build up.

Execution: 04/10
The overall execution of the one shot, along with the cover, title & synopsis can be improvised a lot, according to me. The reasons have been explained throughout the review. None of the emotions you tried to convey came off because of the lack in descriptions.

Plot: 10/20
In all honesty, the plot was rushed. Nothing was explained enough. Like, the whole one shot seemed as if a single incident was stretched out & explained, you get my point? With the kind of plot you have, a one shot isn’t really an appropriate choice for your kind of writing style. It was lagged up & it was as if the same thing were repeated in different ways.
As for the ending. It was way too abrupt. Again, not explained properly and rushed.

Writing Style: 10/20
Like I mentioned above, no details were provided. Everything was happening too fast. It’s true that you have to give the actual plot more importance, however, without properly building up the story & maintaining the consistency of the whole story, nothing in the book can come off well.

Grammar & Vocabulary: 12/20
There were a lot of errors in the grammar part. Starting off, in the second paragraph, you did not have to use hyphens after the word ‘lover’ in the first line. It’s incorrect. You use a comma there. Moreover, you do not use hyphens mid-sentence. You use em dashes.
There were missing commas here and there too. For instance, in the second paragraph’s line ‘Jungkook didn’t mind that all though’, there should’ve been a comma after the word ‘all’.
Also, after an ellipsis, you need to use space before the following word.
As for the vocabulary, there were a lot of misconceptions here and there. For instance, in the second paragraph, you say that Taehyung and his friends were having a ‘group gathering’. Now, a gathering is a group of people coming together. So you don’t have to say ‘group gathering’; ‘gathering’ will do. Overall, the words used could’ve been a bit vaster & wisely used.

Characters & Development: 05/10
Although the characters did have personalities of their own, I don’t think it could shine through. The one shot was slightly leaning towards Jungkook’s perspective even though Taehyung was a lead & the style used was in third person. I think if you give more insight on Taehyung, it’ll be better. The way it was written seemed like Taehyung didn’t care at all, you know? It’s all about Jungkook overly babying him. So, it’d be more realistic & relatable if you wrote more on Taehyung’s perspective too.

Total: 50/100

Final Note: First off, please do not get offended by anything I mentioned above. Keep an open mind and accept them, and work towards improvising! I suggest you add in more details into the book rather than just dialogues and a couple of lines, especially when it comes to how the characters think, and the different scenarios. Good luck with the book. Hit me up if you have any queries or doubts regarding this review. ☺