ꗃ﹕❜ Minerva ❯❯ A review shop [2.0]

×. ❜Dirty Glossy Secrets [Rev. Cey]

Book Name: Dirty Glossy Secrets: A Pure Dream

Author:  ClaireMari29

Reviewer: Cey ( ceyshells )

Cover: 5/05

The cover is excellent: the font style is beautiful and fitting, the cover image somewhat ties into the title and the quote can be clearly seen and it fits well. No point deduction, but your username is spelled wrongly on the cover.

Title: 4/05

The title is great, with both the series title and the book title. Both are intriguing and catch the reader's attention.

Synopsis: 6/10

The blurb is good and holds enough details to intrigue the reader without revealing too much. However, I sense some ambiguity while reading it. It might be grammar issues, though. Try not to start sentences with "but". I'll give an example of how I would write the blurb here, but it's your choice whether you'd like to change it.

Example:
When her true family died when she was a baby, her life and story became a pure mystery.

Though she grew up beautifully as the famous Mini-Mario Toy Company CEO's step-granddaughter, and was blessed to have hidden possibilities within her life and soul, the lure of knowing her past grew.

Trying to reveal her truth, an adventure ensues as she explores the kingdom she's lived in her whole life.

Could she learn the truth behind her story?

Execution: 7/10

The execution of the story is artistic and paints a picture, however, the wording sounds a little off.

Plot: 18/20

Kokoro's parents were killed when she was young, but she grew up well thanks to her adoptive family, her adoptive grandfather being the CEO of a famous toy company. However, Kokoro seems to have powers that she can't make sense of, even when she uses them to fight off a bandit.

The plot is really good and solid, and I liked that you played around with the Mario universe, giving them occupations and widening the world scope of video game characters. The reveal of Kokoro's third power was a real surprise.

Suspenseful and mysterious, with a lot of secrets till each one is revealed.

Writing Style: 17/20

Each chapter length is perfect, not too long and not too short. Utilising descriptive words that aren't difficult to understand helps to weave a scene into the readers mind. The overall tone of the story is exceedingly posh.

Grammar & Vocabulary: 13/20

The grammar in the story sounds slightly off. 

Eg "everything's getting along just fine" (this means "everything is getting along just fine")

Edited: "everything went along just fine" OR "everything was getting along just fine"

"I realised for now I had a third power."
Edited: "I've just realised I have a third power."

But, the vocabulary choice is as good as the other: with slightly more difficult words snuck in between for a descriptive paragraph.

Characters & Development: 6/10

There's a lot of elaboration on Kokoro's part: we know her past, we know she has social anxiety maybe? She cried when she was talking to Mario about her parents, possibly expressing sorrow over the loss, but also desperation and maybe vengeance, wanting to get back at the person who murdered her parents.

Maverick expresses slight jealousy over Kokoro's summon to the palace, and not gonna lie, I have suspicions on him being the one who killed Kokoro's parents. I hope I'm wrong though, as I really like his character.

Other than expressing the emotions outright, the other characters don't seem to have any emotion based thoughts.

Total: 76/100

Additional Notes:
Hi ClaireMari29, thank you so much for applying in my review slots. I'm delighted to get to read your beautiful writing once again & sincerely hope this review will be helpful in improving your story!