Title - YOUR MAFIA, MY CONSIGLIEREUsername - durarafhana
Reviewer - hooWoman
Note:
Reviewing isn't easy when the writer keeps on unpublishing the book. We, reviewers, spend a lot of time on a particular book so the writer can get help. So please until or unless you are done editing just don't give the book for review.
COVER: 4 / 5
The cover is beautiful, I loved it personally. From the font to the background picture. Everything looks good.TITLE: 2.5 / 5
Let me be honest here, I'm not a person who reads fanfics so I don't know if it's a cliche title. By reading the title I think it's something related to a mafia spy story who becomes the consigliere of the rival mafia group but when I read the blurb things were different. Hence the blurb and the title don't match well.Talking about the blurb it's boring. If I was a reader I wouldn't even have thought to give this book a chance. I know I'm harsh over here but you have to fix it.
Using quotes is fine but you have filled half of your blurb with just quotes doesn't look good. If possible just write the quote in the beginning, just one or two and then continue with the blurb.
SYNOPSIS- 6 / 10
I just clicked on the prologue and the first thing I saw was 'no one POV', The kind of POV I never heard before.These are the POV types I know-
1st person POV - Where we use pronounces like, 'i' or 'we'.
2nd person POV - 'you'
3rd person POV - She, he, they, it.
Under 3rd we have 2 different types too but let's just ignore that for now and hope you understood my point here.The prologue started well, not going to lie, it even positively grabbed my attention. My expectation has started building up. So great job.
EXECUTION: 2.5/10
The book can't make the reader stick to the book until the end. I would have skipped chapters if I was a reader. I don't want to be rude here, your book needs cliffhangers. Let's just say the execution wasn't up to my expectations. I don't want to be rude here so if you want to know things I felt just PM me.PLOT- 13/20
At some point, I lost interest in reading this book. As everything felt fast, I didn't see many descriptions of things. You haven't described things and places which need to be.
It was as if you were in a hurry to finish this book.When it comes to the mafia, I see two rival gangs seeing each other, first being enemies and then falling in love. Same cliche plot again and again but this one was quite different. I appreciate your ideas. It's unique but please add twists and turns or else you are going to lose a lot of readers.
• WRITING STYLE - 08/20
You need a lot of improvement. I have mentioned it in other subs where you need to improve.• GRAMMAR AND VOCAB - 08/20
Grammar needs a lot of importance, you have changed tenses in between, in the first line it's present tense and then in the second line it's past tense.
When you write a name you are supposed to write the first letter in capital.
I felt as if you are having some enmity with the alphabet S, a lot of words like ask, say etc were missing s which is grammatically wrong.
Coming to vocab, the book was an easy read. Basic words were used.
Please use Grammarly, it will help you a lot.
• CHARACTERS & DEVELOPMENT: 03/10
As I have mentioned before the description was missing. Everything was quick. There have been times when I read a single chapter multiple times but still ended up confused.
Please take it slow, don't rush. Introduce characters in detail. Don't include a lot of characters with no background info. Few characters with a detailed intro would look great.
When you are writing about a character, feel them, think them in your place and then write or else the characters look emotionless which has happened here.
Hope this review helped you, you are free to PM if you find any mistakes in the review or need some help.
Good luck.
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