ꗃ﹕❜ Minerva ❯❯ A review shop [2.0]

×. ❜Still with you [Rev. Cey]

Book Name: Still with You

Author:  bangtanrewinds

Reviewer: Cey ( ceyshells )

Cover: 3/5

The cover is good, the reader can tell who the main character is, and the colour aesthetic assumes the story has a dark vibe. The smaller picture of Yoongi holding the guitar makes me inclined to think music plays a part in the story, but I could be wrong as the cover only provides a first impression.

As I usually read via phone instead of laptop, when I enlarge the cover, the authors name appears blurry. Not sure if this is a quality issue or wattpad causing it to blur itself, so I won't deduct points for this.

Title: 3/5

Despite being a commonly used title, it still tells a lot: still with you, who is the you in question, and why does the "who" want to still be with the "you"? Additionally, this title also makes me think of songs. One small issue I have a question about is why not all the words in the title are capitalised. Normally, either all the words are capitalised, or they are all not.

Synopsis: 4/10

The synopsis is too lengthy. As an insight into the story, it should be just enough to catch the reader's attention, but not contain too much that it appears excessive or tell too much about the story. In this case, it doesn't tell too much, but it's far too long. Additionally, there are grammar issues such as tense changes and punctuation issues. These will be covered in later sections of the review.

Execution: 3/10

The overall execution of this story isn't great. Numerous pov changes, tense changes, grammatical and punctuation errors take the reader's attention away from the storyline.

Plot: 7/20

The childhood aspect of the plot is detailed, and though it dragged on for a little too long, it was acceptable. Both Yoongi and Y/N have troubled pasts, but after seven years, it feels like they don't have that past anymore, like they moved on from it. However, this trauma is supposed to be the main part of the plot. Mrs Min appearing again causes the reader to believe that she's the cause of the revoked trauma, but that could also be an assumption.

Writing Style: 5/20

Overlooking grammar issues, there are jumps in the pov that distracts the reader and makes it difficult to follow the story. It can be Y/N's pov for one sentence, then it switches back to 3rd person. This makes it extremely confusing.

Grammar & Vocabulary: 6/20

I would recommend getting an editor to edit your story as there are a lot of issues to work on. Spelling, grammar, punctuation, capitalisation etc. Also, there are misspellings of the phonetic Korean words.

Giving the first paragraph as an example:

Dark sky with it's precious jewels, some embedded on it while some falling down in separate need to touch the ground, the rain drops as precious as pearls were falling letting everyone know that it was crying. The sky was crying, but it wasn't alone someone was accompanying it, crying along with the sky, the only difference was rain could be seen but…
His heart was crying which couldn't be seen by anyone.

Beneath the dark sky stood a mansion which screamed luxury, looking mesmerising and peaceful from outside but, from inside

THUD !!!!

Changes to make: wrong apostrophe, missing/extra commas, run on sentences, missing colon, excessive punctuation

Edited:
The dark sky with its precious jewels: some embedded, some with a need to touch the ground. It was crying, rain drops as precious as pearls leaking from its grey cheeks… And it wasn't alone.

Someone else was accompanying its cries, but unlike the sky's obvious tears, the other soul's crying heart was not visible to the naked eye.

Beneath the dark sky stood a mansion, a very luxurious mansion that appeared mesmerising and peaceful from its exterior. From inside, however…

Thud!

Characters & Development: 4/10

Yoongi is slightly developed: the reader gets to know about his family background immediately in the first chapter. In the second chapter, we get to know Mrs Min's inner feelings, and the bad intentions she harnesses. We also get to know Y/N's family background.

However, though the characters are developed somewhat, the entire story appears messy as all the backgrounds are relayed when the scene requires it, and the pov is switched to fit it.

Additionally, Namjoon was introduced without any elaboration of how he relates to the storyline.

Total: 35/100

Additional Notes: Hi bangtanrewinds, thank you so much for applying in my review slots. I know this review might seem harsh, but everyone starts from somewhere, and along the way we gain experience and improve. Fighting!