Cover: 3/05 It is unique and delivers the exact concept of the plot. The colour scheme is perfect and the font size is too small for the title yet it still fits so well. The mood of the cover matches the storyline and the choice of the face claim is the best. The photo print in the cover isn't edited well as they're not blending in the correct direction.
Title: 01/05 I don't know if heart-felt altogether forms an adjective or it is a separate noun and a verb because either way it is an incomplete sentence. In case if it is the latter then add an article 'the' before 'love'. Every noun, adjective, pronoun and verb should begin with uppercase in the title, this rule applies for first and last word as well. In conclusion, capitalize every first letter in this title. Remove the brackets since vertical bar is enough to seperate them.
Synopsis: 5/10 The blurb is long and displays two points of views of different characters. The description isn't that intriguing as it signifies the conflict between the protagonist and a supporting lead more than the other main lead. There aren't any writing errors but I suggest replacing the word 'guy' with something formal in the first paragraph.
Execution: 4/10 The story wasn't impressive at first but when it progressed further, it embraced all the elements which creates a great plotline. However, there is still room for improvement needed in many aspects of the story.
Plot: 7/20 The exposition has short chapters and the pace was too fast. It didn't have a slight glimpse of their introductory routine as the author cut to the chase and added all plot related incidents, thus lacking the natural flow of protagonist's life. Moreover, the author dumped a lot of unnecessary information at the beginning, the connection between Seokjin, Yoongi and Taehyung and their Entertainment industry was unnecessary, rather you should reveal such information at relevant timings. Nevertheless, the rising action was flawless as the plot picked the balanced flow, the process of truth coming out from dark, their background and past was quite intriguing. There were still some holes that weren't sitting right, the ideas of reasons and incidents created by the author to bring both protagonists together were illogical. For instance, Jia wasn't resisting Taehyung after what he had done to her and it seemed too unrealistic, she should have been broken, devastated or at least resent him. Even if she accepted his flaws and moved on, It doesn't make sense how she didn't put effort to avoid him when Ji-hu resisted for them to sleep together. She seemed too nonchalance for someone who gave her the worst life experiences. Therefore, it was hard for readers to empathize, pity and feel anger for the sake of her. During the blindfold game, why would she hug Taehyung's waist while looking for Ji-hu? I don't think the child is tall enough to reach his waist area. Additionally, the sound of his giggling should have clearly told her that he is being held by someone yet she decided to hug the whole man instead of catching the culprit in his arms. Furthermore, the part when Taehyung took his mask off in public just to whisper in her ear seems so absurd especially when he is a public figure and it was risky to do that. Secondly, in chapter eleven, Ji-hu asked about not having a father and in fourteenth he repeated the similar question again but she behaved as if it was the first time. These mistakes easily ruined the mood of the story.
Writing style: 5.5/20 The author skips the description of settings, appearances, surrounding, and frame and only focuses on the internal monologue of characters and narration of scenarios occurring at the moment. Sometimes it is alright to describe the environment encircling the protagonist to help the readers imagine the scene vividly. Avoid mentioning their ages repeatedly whenever you address them, the flashback of their first meeting has too much. Also Ji-hu's words in the dialogue were misspelled to indicate his non-influent language which is correct but sometimes his pronunciation becomes proper so kindly keep it consistent throughout the story. Make sure to use 'Show, not tell' technique for your writing style. In chapter 18: 'He was crying like a baby which made Jimin feel bad for his friend' instead of dictating like this sentence, describe it through his action by manifesting tears, trembling and convulsive gasps to help the reader feel it as well.
Grammar and Vocabulary: 10/20 There are barely any grammatical or vocabulary errors but the few mistakes I detected in your book are corrected below.
Chapter 1, "I need to go somewhere. You be on your own and leave." Suga responded rudely Correction: End with comma instead of dot if the dialogue is followed with attributive tag.
Chapter 2, "Is Oppa going hard on you?" She inquired Correction: Italicise the foreign words like Oppa, hyung etc.
Chapter 7, Yoongi broke the silence and spoke while getting up, causing Ji-hu to gaze at him Correction: You don't have to add 'spoke' since readers already guessed he was the speaker due to the action tag.
Chapter 9, The little one had no idea what the word "marriage" meant. Correction: Use a single quotation mark to emphasise a certain word, keep double just for dialogues.
Chapter 10, "Good! Now listen to me carefully...." Correction: Use only three dots for ellipsis
Chapter 20, They could sleep till late Correction: Avoid using informal words such as 'till' in narration.
Chapter 35, Yes, I'd ta… Correction: Use em-dashes to indicate interruption of words.
Character development: 4/10 Even though they have valid reasons to react, the set forth of their reaction or response seems a bit dramatic. You need to work harder on emotions, it's one of the important aspects to connect readers with the character. Readers may not like Taehyung due to some of his questionable traits and behaviours. He doesn't look apologetic in front of Jia at all, he still treats her badly and on the contrary he cries in front of others to gain their sympathy. The characters who feel regretful don't present themselves this way due to the guilt, some of them can't even make eye contact with someone they have wronged. And if they are feigning unconcern, they at least don't communicate confidently nor act superior, their nervous body language and gestures will convey their true emotions even when they're not admitting with words. The suppressed emotions will build up in them and turn into frustration which will certainly blast someday but Taehyung is too careless. In chapter 9: 'He was also mistaken when Jia signed the divorce papers and hurled them in his face' Mistaken is based on a misunderstanding and he created this misunderstanding intentionally just because he thought they might be a obstacle in his path to success which basically means his attempts were to surely get rid of them. After all of his schemes, his assumption that she wouldn't give him divorce was nonsensical, his actions cannot be justified with such excuses. Don’t shortchange the truth. Expose your characters' vulnerable self so readers can see themselves in their weaknesses, mistakes and failures. The purpose of the background tells the characters will go through certain struggles in the main plot, Jia will avoid him and Taehyung will be desperate to have her back. But unfortunately both of them went astray from their original goals that were supposed to keep the plot interesting. Although the purpose of Ji-hu's presence is the only one that serves correctly by keeping both characters tied together. Also Yoongi was one of the characters whose personality, decisions and reactions were portrayed well.
Total Marks: 39.5/100
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
![ꗃ﹕❜ Minerva ❯❯ A review shop [2.0]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/300704213-64-k492928.jpg)