ꗃ﹕❜ Minerva ❯❯ A review shop [2.0]

×. ❜Enticing Dancer [Rev. Cass]

BOOK NAME: Enticing Danger

AUTHOR: thesinnerauthor

REVIEWER: Cass [ notyour_unnie ]

COVER: (04/05)

The cover seems alluring enough, and appears to be quite well-done. I see that you got pretty creative here. It aids the audience in adequately envisioning the requisite anticipations from the story. The only thing conspicuously wrong with this is the subtitles, which were perhaps too small, making it illegible. I would suggest you make it a bit bigger. With the omission of this observation, the cover seems fairly attractive, and I rather admire it.

TITLE: (03/05)

The title, when considered independently, is quite intriguing and apt, and I suppose it was a good couple of words to entitle the work with. However, when amassed in a lot of similar books, this title has trivial chances of grasping my attention. You have invested a fair amount of intellect in thinking up this title (which is really good), but perhaps you could work a little more on the title to make it submerge from the masses.

SYNOPSIS: (07/10)

The synopsis efficiently narrows down the basic aspect of the story. It is concise and crisp, and is sure to efficiently draw in interested readers. However, I suppose it could have been a bit more elaborate. Try to fit in a few more descriptive accounts to facilitate the protagonists’ backgrounds. It seems to be of a grasping disposition otherwise.

EXECUTION: (06/10)

The execution seemed slightly abrupt at times. I must admit that some aspects did seem quite out of place at instances while reading this story and the manner in which some portions have been conveyed is considerably incoherent. Though this defect is not very eminent, I would suggest that you look into it, and eradicate it immediately.

PLOT: (16/20)

The basal selection has been quite laudable on your end. You have chosen a good base to act, and now it’s up to you to place and synchronize your convolutions efficiently. The plot seems fairly inviting so far. However, it’s too early to make any assertive judgment on the book. I genuinely hope that this book turns out to be as alluring and worthwhile as it had impressed me with. Now, this is not an amendment, but a suggestion you could utilize when you proceed with updates. Try to stay away from the mainstream. Always try to evidently answer the question of “Why should one choose this book over the several others hailing from this genre?” rhetorically. Convolute the plot, and morph it into something phenomenal that no readers can leave unfinished.

WRITING STYLE: (13/20)

The writing style of the early chapters is a tad bit too abrupt. But I see that you have mended that flaw to an extent in the later chapters. Though writing style is a pedagogy that demands the least of one’s judgments, I would insist you to slow down a bit. The other elements constituting one’s writing have been discussed further.

GRAMMAR & VOCABULARY: (09/20)

(Only the parts in English have been taken into consideration here)
In the first few chapters, the order of the words seems terribly wrong. For example:
“Compared to our sales now and from last year. Today’s year was a little bit decreasing.”

I bet you’ll admit to yourself that there are quite a lot of things wrong with this. Rephrase this so:
“Compared to last year, our sales this year have gone down considerably.”
Akin to this, I can find some terrible mistakes in the context. Kindly illuminate yourself a bit more in the grammatical pedagogies. If you require aid in rephrasing anything, I am just a PM away.

It seems that you have a good deal of words in your vocabulary, but it turns out that you do not know how to use them well. Perhaps this can be cured by reading some well-written books in English. You’re doing great; you just need to habituate yourself a bit more to the English language.

CHARACTERS & DEVELOPMENT: (06/10)
Not much can be said about the characters from the details that have been provided. For now, I refuse to make any definite judgment on the development as well. Character arcs and misgoverned developments might show up at any instance. I am willing to review this story for the second time when you are done with the book. Just chuck it under my slot again.

TOTAL: (64/100)
I apologize if I might come off a bit harsh, or if my criticism offends you in any manner. I hope that you will consider all the changes suggested in this review; I strongly believe that it will enhance your work greatly. Looking forward to more from you!