Cover: 02/05 The cover is pertinent to the story, however despite the well-balanced color scheme, the face claims' quality makes it stand out from the background. The fonts don't appear appealing at all because they are very basic. The book's cover isn't attractive enough to pique the reader's interest and make them pick it up.
Title: 4.5/05 It is based on an infamous place, which is unusual for a plot to revolve around. Readers may be enticed to check out the book by the idea of what the author may conjure up using their own imagination in response to it.
Synopsis: 3/10 Remove the semicolons because they are supposed to unite independent clauses without conjunction and should be followed by a complete sentence. There are more punctuation errors and few missing articles in the paragraph.The major storyline description discusses the character's objectives and challenges in a simple writing style. It doesn't intrigue the reader and lacks the spice to spark their eagerness to check it out. Instead of using explanation, I propose shortening it and using storytelling form to convey the thrillness.
Execution: 4/10 The plot moves along with a consistent pace. I am unable to remark on any other parts of the book other than the introduction because the storyline is still in the exposition stage and has not yet reached the major plot.
Plot: 7/20 It isn't a good justification for her to enter Area 51 in order to only save two of her coworkers. They should be someone too important for the Mafia organization and Maria to do such a risky step. To make the reader feel the weight of risk rather than portraying the characters as being overly careless about it, I also recommend emphasizing the danger that this mission holds. Readers would remain engaged in the book due to its increasing intensity. Your sole attention was on Yeosang and Maria's separation, which didn't do much to advance the exposition. However, the system concept that the author came up with for Area 51 is undoubtedly exciting, and the anticipation for the meeting of the both protagonists was high.
Writing style: 9/20 If you weren't using third person POV and she wasn't looking at herself, a character can't say that her own eyes are blue like a third-person perspective, you have to show fictional world from her line of sight so kindly edit that part.The biggest flaw in your writing is pointless extra details, so try to keep your sentences short but descriptive so that readers can easily picture what you're getting at. 'I grab the gold doorknob, turn it and open the door' readers literally don't care about how the character opened the door so make sure to keep it short enough to convey the action, don't mention every single movement. Chapter 2: 'placing both of them in the glove department and once they're in them I close it.' Reader already knew they were in them the moment Maria 'placed' them so giving more explanation was unnecessary. Bonus chapter: 'Sobs emit from me and are loud like when the water crashes into the river below.' Keep it concise and simple like: 'Sobs emit from me, loud like a water that crashes into the river.' It gives the same meaning but vocabulary sound easier Chapter 2: 'I mutter scratching behind my ear, a habit that I do when I'm embarrassed'. Just remove 'that I do' in this sentence. Moving on, make sure to emphasise titles like 'Earthlings Welcome' with single quotation mark or italic and I suggest improving the way you describe the settings or appearances. The description of the exterior of the motel was a bit confusing, it was hard for me to visualize it.
Grammar and Vocabulary: 10/20 Chapter 1, My body use to the alcohol Correction: My body is used to alcohol.
Chapter 1, He nods his head once in reply before closing the door. Correction: The reader knows he nodded 'in reply' so remove it.
Chapter 1, Say it or are you scared to you little bitch Correction: Say it or are you scared too? You little bitch
Chapter 1, You know what nevermind, I'll just have a little chat with your wife Correction: You know what? Nevermind. I'll just have a little chat with your wife
Chapter 1, When I reach the steps at the end of the hallway I saunter up them and continue making my way to Joong's office. Correction: Add comma after 'hallway'
Chapter 1, "Well." He starts, leaning back in his black leather chair and running a hand through his short brown hair. "The government as we all know likes to keep secrets from the public because they're pieces of shit." Correction: A comma is supposed to end the dialogue that is interrupted by action or dialogue tags. The subsequent dialogue then begins in lowercase because the action or dialogue tag likewise ends in a comma.
Chapter 1, I turn to walk out of the room but before I can take a step towards the door Hongjoong speaks again. Correction: Add comma after 'door'
Chapter 2, "That does make sense." He mutters Correction: Add commas at the end of dialogue if it is followed by a dialogue tag and the tag should begin with lowercase.
Chapter 2, With how paranoid they are they'll suspect that I'm going to do something. Correction: add comma after 'they are'
Chapter 2, The other is a brown-eyed Hispanic male whose younger and is wearing a green camouflage hat Correction: The other is a brown-eyed Hispanic male (who is) younger and is wearing a green camouflage hat.
Chapter 2, I gaze over my shoulder, watching the building Yeosang and I was just at grow smaller like the headlights- Correction: I don't know how to fix this but the vocabulary style is confusing. I had to read it twice to understand it.
Chapter 3, It only makes me want to kick Hongjoong's ass even more when I get back. Correction: Do not use informal words such as 'ass' or any abbreviation in narration. You can only do it in dialogues.
Bonus chapter, She throws her hands up in the air at the sound of my words that should've stayed trapped in my head. Correction: Just "at my words" is better
Character development: 4/10 Each character talks in a different way that captures the essence of who they are. With the exception of the protagonist, none of the characters have any charms, traits, or defects as of yet, so I can't say whether or not their sketches are well-made, but generally, they were doing fantastic. Give Hongjoong more boss vibes, in my opinion. He only needs to project an air of authority but that doesn't imply he has to appear icy, harsh, or unapproachable. Furthermore, I've noticed that the first thing Maria notices about someone she meets is the color of their eyes and hair, but reading 'tall, brown-eyed, and brown-haired' multiple times is excessive.
Total Marks: 43.5/100
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