The free will ( eng)

Duty calls

After another two weeks of sitting absolutely still I am getting worried about my customers taxes that are due in a few days. What should I do?  Getting out when I am this much better and risk everything agaian?  "Please stay home, your health is everything that matters!"  " The IRS will not wait, neither your customers! THEY come first! WORK and DUTY comes first! " My judging, critiscing angel screams in my head. Or was it my parents? They had indoctrinated that in my mind from early age.  Their beliefs were mine. I could feel  their disappoinment if I would loose my customers.  "She is so sloppy. Never does anything right! ". I HAVE to go some how? !

"Hi Anna! How are You? " Gabbi asks when I finally arrive at  their office at the other end of Stockholm.

" I have been better. I had some sort of kidney failure and it feels Iike I am going to collapse any day" I answer and don't mention I believe I have a hole in my intestines that  hasn't healed yet and could burst any minute. 

"You shouldn't be here! Have You been to the hospital?"

"No. And I have  to do the taxes. "

" It can wait! "

"The IRS does not wait for anyone," I say and go to my room. Itś a mess with papers everywhere. I begin booking the invoices in the system and then log into the bank to book the payments. 

"We are going out for a while. Are You going to be okay? Gabbi asks.

"Sure", I answer and resume to my  booking. After a while the door bell rings. Damn! I don't want to move. Slowly I rise hanging over my desk and walk to the entrance. 

"Hello, can I help You?" I say.

"Yes,  I  had an appointment to see a kitchen this after afternoon. "

" They are out at the moment. I am just the economist. Would You like to wait? I can call them?" 

"Yes, please." 

Gabbi's phone is turned off. I don't know what to do. " Could You come back later? "

"No! We had an appointment!" She said very irritated. 

"Alright,  I can show You. " I say and walk down the hall. How hard could it be? I  could sell her a kitchen. Itś a lot of money. 

"This is one of my favorites " I say and show her a classic white wooden country-style  kitchen. I turn on my super-sales -woman- attitude and charm her the best I can. I let her do most of the talking and confirm her own thoughts. People love talking about their needs and dreams. Sales is mostly psychology. After an hour she leaves. I am exhausted. I get some coffee on the way to my desk. I can feel my stomach turning inside out.  "Please just let me finish this", I pray. I need to focus now. There is no oxygen in the office and I feel like I am going to faint. I put my head on the desk to try and rest just a little. I barely have energy to sit on my chair.

I start downloading a program from the internet that I need but before I get the chance to run it I have to lay down on the floor to calm my heart and get more oxygen.

I call Olof. He works just around the corner. "I don't feel so good. Can You come and help me when You finish? "

"What is the matter, Anna?"

" I  am at a customer to do their taxes, but I got ill again and can't move or breath. I need help to run a program so I can finish my work remote."

"Alright, I will get there as soon as I can. "

When he enters the front door he yells;  "Anna?"

"I am right here!"

" Anna! Why are You lying on the floor?" He says in the doorway when he sees me. He looks chocked.

" That is the only way I can breathe when I get like this. I can't move. Can You help me with the program?