The free will ( eng)

Rainwoman

My almost recovered kidneys got way worse again. My work prevented med from almost going crazy not being able to workout and dance once again. Was it Sebastian or that I got cold riding the bike for almost half an hour when ten degrees celcius below zero?

It got worse and worse. I still went to town on Sunday for dancing on the best tango of the week. Even if I was weak it was the best night I had in a very long time. I was floating on a wave of concentration and inspiration.

I cancelled the massage at Sebastian and called Jackie.

- You got to go to the doctor and check so the infection is not in your kidneys Anna! Its really dangerous!

- I believe its starting to get better now. Its been two weeks and volume and color is almost normal again.

- Check anyway! Promise me  ?

- Maybe. We hung up. My mind went spinning with Jackie's worried words. They got interrupted by the phone.

- Hi Nikki! How are you doing?
- Hi Olof, I'm hanging in there. Almost cured I think, but Jackie insists I need to check for sure.
- Well, shouldn't you?
- I don't know. Just going to a place where everyone is sick always makes me worse.
- I miss you. Let me take care of you for a while?
- What?
- My son will go to his mother on Saturday and you can come tonight and we will watch a movie?
- I don't think so. I will soon be well and to get out now in the freezing cold and sit on a bus with sick people would be crazy.

- Please Anna? We miss you? We will take care of you?
That was all that was needed to wear me down. Just say please three times real desperately.

- I don't know. I'm well soon and really shouldn't go out in this kind of cold and put my self in stressful situations.

- Please Anna, I miss you. I will take care of you.

I really  didn't feel comfortable with this, but I had a history of giving in when people I cared for didn't take no for an answer. The sad part it was just about everyone. My friends were as strong-minded as my family. It mostly ended badly.

- Okay,  I can stop by to leave a urine-sample to check my kidneys on the way. I might take a taxi from the doctor, because I really don't think going om the bus right now is a really good idea.

-  Take a cab! I will pay for it!

We hung up. I gathered my stuff and put on as warm clothes as I could.

Walking to the bus in the strong north wind blowing right threw my clothes made me really wonder how I could ever have let my self get talked into this? It was storm. And snowing.  I must the stupidest girl on earth? Of course the bus was late when I was early and I had to stay in sight at the road so he wouldn't miss me in the dark. Not a pleasant spot to be on at this time and every minute felt ten times longer.

I got off on the free-way far away from a medical- center I had never been to. It was a long walk. When I finally find the entrance at the back of the mall , the waiting room is filled with sick coughing people. I wished I could hold my breath and try to breathe as little as possible. I have to wait for a very long time just to find out that the speed- test shows no signs of bacteria in my urine. I already knew that. I was just on my way to recovery.

On my way out I ask where the taxi- station is? Nobody knows. I walk down the dark stairs from a square I don't know, but the free way is just close to it. I see bus stop and some people waiting there. I walk to it as I call  Stockholm Taxi. Its really not wise to be on a crowded bus. Just as they answer a bus arrives.  What should I do? How long til a taxi arrives? How far are we from the city?  Just ten minutes..  In  a quick moment of  delusion I hang up. This might go quicker. I will just not breath or something?