The free will ( eng)

3. Jaqueline

Jaqueline was the only one of my friends that knew what had happened except Marianne. They had convinced me that I had to leave Richard. I threw away my life that way, living like a prisoner. And surely he would get over eventually? I hadn't been so sure since I had saved him two years earlier. I had finally had enough and left him and moved to my girlfriend when I caught him chatting with his mistress on our holiday. It was a nightmare for four weeks before I finally gave in and moved back home after saving him from going to the railroad drunk filled with Valium.

Jaqueline had been almost as chocked as I. We had recently shared a cabin with Richard at a dance festival holiday for salsa. I told Jackie I needed to go back home to the house. She had promised to go with me and stay for support. It felt strange to see the house again and to feel the presence of him and my life that didn't exist any longer. Everything was turned upside down. I went through the house and checked everything. It was like nothing had ever happened. I just waited to see Richard lying in the sofa with his laptop on his knees as usual. Jackie and I sat down in the living room and I poured some wine for us.

-It's so unreal. It's like a nightmare and I just wait to wake up from any minute, but I don't, I said with my tears rolling down my cheeks.

-I could never "see" that he would do it. I really didn't think he would do it. I can feel that he is here right now and that he wants you to be alright.

-What do you mean?

-I can feel his presence here, she said and I stared at her. Was she serious?

-I always had that gift and my grandmother too, so I probably inherited it.

-I'm quite superstitious and believed in ghost when I was young. M sure I I will pay for this and will not be able to live with myself either. I wish I could turn back time and not listen so much to others.

- Don't say that Anna. He wants you to do well.

- I don't know. I wonder if it was revenge? To get the last word?

- I don't think so.

-He was a little like that. No one could ever win over him.

It was hard to sleep that night. Jackie felt that he was still in the house and felt uncomfortable just as me. I took sleeping pills and wine to get some hours. She suggested we should go to her brother's apartment and stay there.

-I rent mine to tourists during the summer, but I'm warning you, he is a bit of a collector. There are boxes and magazines everywhere. On top of it all I have hung my laundry..

Then I will feel at home. My mother is the same. Boxes, stuff and clothes everywhere. All that she wears is outside her closets because they are to full with old clothes. I don't think she has ever thrown or given anything away in her whole life.

Okay. let's go then. Just follow me. I will stop on the way to get us some food and then I will show you where you can park your car.

We stumbled into the apartment pretty exhausted. We almost didn't get in because of some error with the door and code. It looked like some kind of gypsy quarter. It was so chaotic with Jackies underwear and other clothes hanging all over the living room and my situation and Jackies, that I just lost it and started laughing hysterical and Jackie too.

-You should have seen me the other day when I tried to break into my apartment, she tried to say while trying to stop laughing and grasping for air.

- What??

-I managed to look myself out and was in a hurry for a meeting. Hysterically I knocked on my neighbours door and asked for a steel hanger and screwdriver.. Then I disassembled the mail slot and opened the door from the inside with the hanger.