The free will ( eng)

5. Dreams

Her colorful wings grew out again and she sang louder and flew higher than ever before

and felt like a river of rain flowing home to the shore 

The day after I was a wreck. Why had I let myself get talked into this? I take the train to the office and work the best I can. I am really not feeling well. Too much working, dancing and crying and too little sleep. In my head there is an iron curtain I'm trying to keep closed. I call Rafael.

-Hi, it's Anna! We were supposed to meet today before dancing at the amusement park?

-Hi Anna! How are you?

-I'm not well. That's why I'm calling. I know I promised a few dances with You tonight and that we were going to eat first, but I can't dance. I am exhausted. Can hardly stand up but I think I can manage to eat, so if you still want to see me I can meet you for dinner and then I will go home?'

-Sure! But are you sure you will be alright? He asked with a worried voice.

-I 'll try. I'll see at the restaurant above the dance floor around six?

-Okay.

I work a few more hours and then I go to the bathroom for a quick shower and getting myself ready. I look into the mirror. I really look like a wreck. My face is swollen with puffy red eyes with bags and dark circles. The eyes look like when my thyroid was hyperactive and almost popped out from my head. Why the eye-doctor didn't react is a big mystery for me. Like so many other mysteries. I smell bad too as if it wasn't enough just to look bad.

After I walked Calle I take my car to the amusement park. The huge dance floor by the restaurant is crowded with people. Beginners, mediate and advanced all together in different corners listens to their instructors trying to do the same.

-ROTATE!! One of the instructors shout and they all shift partners with some confusion. It's pretty lod with all the music and a couple of hundred people not understanding that it's best not to talk. I make my way up to the restaurant. It's a lovely view all over the city and the park and the dancefloor. My legs are weak when I walk the stairs and my vision turns black before I see Rafael sitting at one of the tables. His long black hair is glowing in the sun and he's got a nice shirt and tight bright jeans. He lights up when he sees me but quickly shifts to a worried expression.

- Hi Anna! How are You? You look tired? He says and rise from his chair and gives me a hug.

- Hi! I don't know. It's like my body has pulled the emergency break or something. It's been on overdrive too long now with me pushing it to the limit. I can hardly breathe and my muscles are weak.

- That doesn't sound very good. Can I take your pulse? I have some medical education. It's a necessity when I work with development of pacemakers.

- 120! Thats high. Maybe You should go to the hospital? What do you normally have?

- I don't know. I have had problems with my health for a very long time and low blood pressure. Last time I felt like this was in Africa last year. I took a sleeping pill in the middle of the day to stop my heart from collapsing. It was racing like a Hummingbird because of my high fever. I was almost burning up and You could have fried eggs on my kidneys. There were more guests around the hotel that were sick and on intensive care at the hospital. I learned later that at least fourteen at that time there had been diagnosed with the severe sort of Malaria.

- How is that possible?

- Many sorts of Malaria are resistant to prophylax. I don't even know if I had any antibodies. My body doesn't seem to produce them correct. Our travel agency didn't even warn us for this and give instructions to cover our skin at night when they come out. There was no mosquito net over our bed either and there were tons of mosquitos there because of the river near by.