The free will ( eng)

Home again

she finally decides not to love no more, and her spirit is broken to the core

The plane landed in Stockholm. I grabbed my hand luggage and took the bus to town. It went smoothly and it was nice to be "home" again. It felt weird not to meet Calle when I opened the door. Olof and his son was looking after him. I went to bed and thought of Olof. We had met by accident on his local restaurant on my birthday where I had had dinner with friends and family. Since we had danced a lot the past few years we were surprised to bump into each other there. I ended up "buying him" dinner there a few days later when I had prepaid "food- tickets" that was left over. We had finished each other's sentences the whole evening and had a wonderful time. I asked if he wanted to go to a salsa event with med me and the weekend after that he bought me dinner. One night I asked him if he wanted to go to this special afterwork disco called Soul Train at the most respected night club in town, Cafe opera, and he did. I had one of the best nights of my life. The atmosphere was totally crazy with over two thousand people dancing like crazy. We were phenomenal to mix salsa, foxtrot and kizomba to the 70, 80 and 90's music. All sorts of people approached us and wondered where they could learn to dance like that? Which of course was very flattering.

After a decent night I sent a message on Facebook to Olof that I was awake. He said they were coming over later and I went off for my jog. A week without exercise, even on horseback, had given me abstinence. I ran down to the park and made a few laps around there and then found a space where I could do some sit-ups and other exercises before I finished with stretch, yoga and a nice walk home followed by a long meditation, After a while Olof and Calle showed up at the door.

"HI!!! Is everything alright" '? I asked and gave him a hug and tried to hug Calle. It was hard to get him still. He was running around deliriously happy. My little golden nugget! Has he been good?

"Very. Everything has gone splendid" he said and looked really happy.

"Oh, good. Nice to hear. He looks fine!" I made some picnic for us and if you want we can go down to the park?

"Sounds nice. I'd love to."

I packed goodies for calle, the chicken salad, wine, coffee and homemade truffles. Olof got the blanket. We went down to the popular park called "Maria square" and sat down on the grass. I loved sitting there watching the people, flowers and the water from the fountain reflecting the light from the sun. The water sparkled, the birds were singing,flowers scenting and children playing. Olof put on some soft jazz on his phone and I took the cards with Trivial Pursuit questions which we had extended with other cards with food and drinks and philosophy, like " which person in history would you like to have dinner with and why?" We loved talking about everything and learning new things. Neither of us were much for small talk and gossip.

The sun went down behind the buildings in the late afternoon and it was time to leave. I had plans for tango at the amusement park. Usually we went to Soul Train at Cafe Opera on fridays but they weren't back until fall.

"Can I come with you? I'm thinking about taking lessons so I can hang out with you?"

"Of course! I would love that! But it's much harder than salsa. It takes a long time to learn."

"You'll have to teach me some", he said and looked happy. We went home with Calle. I changed to my black dance dress I had made myself from a skirt by putting a strip in the top chiffon fabric lining so you could just pull it up and drape it as a dress any time with the silk fabric beneath. We took a nice walk down to the sea by the Old town and sat down on deck on the ferry to the amusement park.

"Isn't Stockholm just beautiful from the water? This is my favourite view!"

"It certainly is", Olof said and admired the view over the Old town and the hill of the southside where my shop was. The ferry only took ten minutes and we entered the park with our season cards. I put on my high heel shoes and asked Olof to join me on the floor and teach him the basics. It wasn't easy. He wanted to sway his whole body like in Cuban salsa. No matter how I tried he didn't seem to catch the tango rhythm and feeling. It was more passion and attitude than joy and movement like salsa. He wasn't the tango type. The pauses in the dance was as important as the steps, which required total musicality few people mastered if you were to get it good.

"I'll let you dance with others now Anna, so you don't get tired of me," he said after a while when he understood I was eager for challenges and develop my own skills.

"Alright. I'm sure there are some beginners left here that you can practice with," I said thankfully and went to dance with a few people from the Tango School I had practised with almost every saturday afternoon at Maria square, during the spring. One of them was like a professional and was more than happy to dance with me. We danced really well. I could learn more from dancing with men like him than I could from hours of paid lessons with beginners. Therefore I never took lessons. After a while I went back to Olof who were watching me from a table with a glass of beer.

"Looking good!" He said and still looked happy.

"Thank You! It's not that late yet, do you want to go and dance some salsa and kizomba?"

"Sure! You know me, always the last person to leave! " We took the tram to the city and a short walk to the dance school which was crowded with people. It was nice to be able to relax and do something you were good at. We had a style of our own and it was nice to show the others how well we danced together. After that it was time to scout for others. Old favourites came first and then possible new ones. Lots of them were there and I approached Ceasar with a smile and gave him a hug.

"Hi! How are you?"

"I'm fine! How are you? "He said and his eyes were glittering. We had had a few dates before I met Miguel". Luckily nothing had happened. Afterwards he had said that he was wrong about me, whatever that meant? And had he? That was a question of definition.

"Wanna dance? " I asked

"Absolutely! Kizomba?"

"Love too! " I answered and smiled, grateful to be able to have that dance with him, who was better than most. It was pretty new and called African tango. Miguel and I had been at the premiere workshop together. I knew it better than tango and it was easier to follow. Afterwards we had a couple of salsa too while we were at it. When it was getting late I asked Olof for a couple of more dances before I told him I had to leave.

"I will accompany you, if you want to?"

"You don't need to, but you can if you want,"I said. We took the subway to my shop and he walked me to the door. It was obvious he wanted to come inside.

"Thank you for a lovely day and evening and all your help with Calle!"

-It was my pleasure! He answered and looked into deeply into my eyes, waiting for a response. What did I do now? I had felt this coming for a while now.

-I'm really tired and it's late, I said as soft as I could.

-Okay. Let's talk tomorrow?

-I'll text you when I'm awake, I answered and said good night. I let Calle out who rushed across the car free street to the lawn and did his thing before rushing back, eager to get meatballs on the sofa and cuddle. It had been a good day and nice to be home again. I loved dancing and this evening had been fantastic, just as summer Stockholm. What did I feel for Olof? I really didn't dare to let go since I didn't feel any chemistry that way. Meanwhile I didn't want to hurt him, lead him on or ruin our friendship. It was very tricky. I took my pill and fell asleep anyway, although the confusion with Olof.